Friday 29 November 2013

9 Things Happy, Successful People Choose to Ignore

post written by: Marc Chernoff

9 Things Happy, Successful People Choose to Ignore
“Life is to be enjoyed, not endured.”
―Gordon B. Hinckley
The president and co-founder of a local charity that directly cares for homeless people in our area is a 38-year-old musician and tattoo artist who’s covered from head to toe with tattoos and piercings, and has long brown dreadlocks that dangle below his waistline.  He’s been running the charity since he was 20 and has helped hundreds of people get back on their feet, including a woman I know personally who is now a successful entrepreneur.
I just had a short, inspiring conversation with this unlikely hero a few minutes ago, and now I’m sitting here thinking about the dozens of happy, successful people I know like him who ignore stereotypes, negativity, and naysayers, and go against the grain to make a difference by doing things their own way… the right way.
And following in their footsteps isn’t hard either; you just have to start ignoring…

1.  Other people’s judgments.

It’s OK to listen to others, but not at the full expense of your own intuition.  Throughout your life there will be many times when the world gets real quiet and the only thing left is the beat of your own heart.  So you’d better learn the sound of it, otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s telling you.
When you spend too much time concentrating on everyone else’s perception of you, or who everyone else wants you to be, you eventually forget who you truly are.  So don’t fear the judgments of others; you know in your heart who you are and what’s true to you.  You don’t have to be someone else to impress and inspire people.  Let them be impressed and inspired by the real YOU.  Honestly, whatdoes life matter if you lose yourself along the way?  Even your mentors should teach you HOW to think, not WHAT to think.  So if someone – anyone – is belittling your truth, it might be time to turn the other way.

2.  Old troubles from the past.

You can’t change what has already happened, so choose to look ahead instead of behind you.  Don’t stress.  Do your best.  Forget the rest.  Your past mistakes are meant to guide you, not define you.  Life is a beautiful circle.  You’re strong because you know your weaknesses.  You’re wise because you’ve been foolish.  You can laugh now because you’ve known sadness.
It’s crazy how you always end up where you’re meant to be – how even the most tragic and stressful situations eventually teach you important lessons that you never dreamed you were going to learn.  Remember, oftentimes when things are falling apart, they are actually falling into place.  Just because you’re not where you want to be today doesn’t mean you won’t be there someday.  Everything is going to be come together – maybe not today, but eventually. 

3.  Each day’s little frustrations.

A bad day is just a bad day.  It comes and it goes.  Choose not to make it anything more.  You will find that it’s necessary to let some things go simply for the reason that they’re heavy on your heart and soul.  Go ahead and let go of them.  Don’t clamp shackles to your own ankles.  It’s incredibly easy to enjoy more of your life right now, no matter what the situation.  It’s just a matter of dropping of the layers of nonsense that are weighing you down.
Behind every beautiful day, there has been some kind of struggle.  You fall, you rise, you make mistakes, you live, you learn.  You’re human, not perfect.  You’ve been hurt, but you’re alive.  Think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive today – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, and to chase the things you love.  Sometimes there is sadness in your journey, but there is also lots of beauty.  You must keep putting one foot in front of the other even when it hurts, for you will never know what is waiting for you just around the bend.
Follow this daily to-do list and you’ll be just fine:
  1. Think positively.
  2. Eat healthy.
  3. Exercise today.
  4. Worry less.
  5. Work hard.
  6. Laugh often.
  7. Sleep well.
Repeat…

4.  The necessary pain of hard work and growth.

There are two types of pain in life: pain that hurts you, and pain that changes you.  But when you learn from it, they are one and the same.  If you want something, you must endure the pain of working for it.  It’s that simple.  If you’re not where you want to be right now, take the time to visualize yourself in the place you want to be and take the first step in that direction.  You may not be able to change your destination in a day, but you can change your direction right now.
Remember, strength doesn’t come from what you can do.  It comes from overcoming the things you couldn’t.  Tough situations build strong, successful people.  No matter how much it hurts now, you have to hold your head up, grit your teeth, and keep going.  In the end, consistent action speaks for itself.  So focus diligently, work hard in silence, and let your success be your noise.

5.  Insignificant busywork.

In the beginning, you need to say “yes” to a lot of things to discover and establish your goals.  Later on, you need to say “no” to a lot of things and concentrate on your goals.  Stop over-committing and trying to do too much at once.  Start saying “no” more often.  If you never say “no,” you will take on too much and all you will achieve is stress and frustration.
As Bruce Lee once said, “It is not a daily increase, but a daily decrease.  Hack away at the inessentials.”  Many of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important.  Don’t be one of them.  It’s not what we claim are our priorities, but how we spend our time each day that reveals the truth.  Let your daily actions reflect your highest priorities.  (Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.)

6.  Impatient thoughts.

Patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard for what you believe in.  It’s the willingness to stay focused, confidently staking one small step at a time, knowing that the way you move a mountain is by moving one stone at a time.  Every stone you move, no matter how small, is progress.
Whether you are working on improving your health, learning a new skill, or getting a business venture off the ground, you can’t expect instant gratification.  Instead, you must dedicate yourself to the best of your ability and understand that real change takes time.  Sometimes it may be hard to see your progress.  Sometimes it will be frustrating when the results you seek don’t appear as quickly as you had hoped.  Still, you are advancing.  Hang in there.  You may be moving things along slowly, but you are still moving a mountain.

7.  The things that can’t be controlled.

Never force anything.  Do your best, then let it be.  If it’s meant to be, it will be.  Don’t hold yourself down with things you can’t control.  Stop talking about the problem and start thinking about the solution.  Forget what could go wrong for a sec and think of what is already right.
Remember, change happens for a reason.  Roll with it.  It won’t be ideal or easy at first, but it will be worth it in the end.  When times are good and everything is comfortably in order, it’s easy to become complacent and forget how skillful and resourceful you are capable of being.  Unanticipated troubles are necessary evils that push you forward, because they eventually end, but the lessons and growth you gain from them last a lifetime.

8.  Unfounded fears.

Life is about overcoming fear and taking risks.  If you don’t take risks, you won’t know what you’re capable of.  If you don’t risk anything, you risk everything.  Truth be told, nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood.  Now is the time to expand your comfort zone so you can experience things and understand more… so that you may fear less in the long run.
The reality, of course, is we all get afraid sometimes.  It’s not about not being afraid, but what you do when you feel that way.  When you feel doubt, or fear, or anxiety, or frustration, know that you can let it go just as surely as you can pull your hand away from a flame.  Keep your mind focused on the goodness, on the possibilities and on your most treasured goals.  What begins in your mind ends up in your life.  Think continually of the way you would like to be, let these thoughts drive your actions, and your reality will reliably catch up with your thinking.  (Read Daring Greatly.)

9.  The mind’s endless stream of doubts.

Believe in yourself through tough times.  Believe in your capacity to succeed.  Believe that your relationships are worth the effort.  Believe that people make mistakes on their way to greatness.  Believe that people can be foolish and intelligent, selfish and generous, and stressed and happy all at once.  Believe that very few people hurt others on purpose.  Believe that there are many roads to what’s right.  Believe in your intuition, especially when you have to choose between two good paths.  Believe that the answers are out there waiting.  Believe that life will surprise you again and again.  Believe that the journey is the destination.  Believe that it’s all worth your while.
Or as Roald Dahl once said, “And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places.  Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.”

The floor is yours…

Which of the points above have you struggled with?  What else do we all need to ignore more often?  Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights with us.
Photo by: Bindaas Madhavi

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Thursday 28 November 2013

50 of “The Greatest” Life Has to Offer


post written by: Marc Chernoff

The Greatest Life Has to Offer
Here’s some positive mental nourishment for you, 50 of “the greatest” you will find on your lifetime drive into the sunset.
  1. The Greatest Things – Are not things at all.
  2. The Greatest Mystery – Death.
  3. The Greatest Gift – Life.
  4. The Greatest Work – What you love doing.
  5. The Greatest Recreation – Based on the point above: Work.
  6. The Greatest Feeling – Happiness.
  7. The Greatest Sorrow – A broken heart.
  8. The Greatest Sight – A sight imagined, but physically unseen.
  9. The Greatest Thought – “I can.”
  10. The Greatest Want – Acceptance.
  11. The Greatest Need – Awareness.
  12. The Greatest Trick – Proving the impossible to be possible.
  13. The Greatest Waste – Hatred.
  14. The Greatest Asset – Your mind.
  15. The Greatest Tool – Your body.
  16. The Greatest Smell – A familiar smell.
  17. The Greatest Sense – Touch.
  18. The Greatest Relationship – Long-term friendship.
  19. The Greatest Criminal – A liar.
  20. The Greatest Bankruptcy – Lack of confidence.
  21. The Greatest Mistake – Quitting.
  22. The Greatest Moment – Now.
  23. The Greatest Bore – Repetition.
  24. The Greatest Manufacturing – Recycling.
  25. The Greatest Companion – One you can trust.
  26. The Greatest Deception – Self-deception.
  27. The Greatest Evil – War.
  28. The Greatest Fool – One who thinks he knows it all.
  29. The Greatest Sound – Silence.
  30. The Greatest Art – Music.
  31. The Greatest Love – Thyself.
  32. The Greatest People – Family and Friends.
  33. The Greatest Conversation – One that inspires action.
  34. The Greatest Hero – A teacher.
  35. The Greatest Laugh – One that hurts.
  36. The Greatest Encounter – A pleasant surprise.
  37. The Greatest Story – A true story.
  38. The Greatest Communication – Eye contact.
  39. The Greatest Wealth – Love.
  40. The Greatest Beauty – Is an opinion.
  41. The Greatest Compliment – An unexpected one.
  42. The Greatest Step – The first step.
  43. The Greatest Accomplishment – Finishing what you started.
  44. The Greatest Resource – Time.
  45. The Greatest Exercise – Sex.
  46. The Greatest Service – Helping someone in need.
  47. The Greatest Force – Momentum.
  48. The Greatest Space – Uncluttered space.
  49. The Greatest Expression – A smile.
  50.  The Greatest Comfort – Familiarity.

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Monday 25 November 2013

7 Reasons to Stop Proving Yourself to Everyone Else


post written by: Marc Chernoff

7 Reasons to Stop Proving Yourself to Everyone Else
You are GOOD enough, SMART enough, FINE enough, and STRONG enough.  You don’t need other people to validate you; you are already VALUABLE.
Sometimes we try to show the world we are flawless in hopes that we will be liked and accepted by everyone, but we can’t please everyone and we shouldn’t try.  The beauty of us lies in our vulnerability, our complex emotions, and our authentic imperfections.  When we embrace who we are and decide to be authentic, instead of who we think others want us to be, we open ourselves up to real relationships, real happiness, and real success.
There is no need to put on a mask.  There is no need to pretend to be someone you’re not.  You have nothing to prove to anyone else, because…

1.  The people worth impressing just want you to be yourself.

In the long run, it’s better to be loathed for who you are than loved for who you are not.  In fact, the only relationships that work well in the long run are the ones that make you a better person without changing you into someone other than yourself, and without preventing you from outgrowing the person you used to be.
Ignore the comparisons and expectations knocking at your door.  The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.  Prove yourself to yourself, not others.  The RIGHT people for you will love you for doing so, and they will appreciate all the things about you that the WRONG people are intimidated by.  Bottom line: Don’t change so people will like you; be patient, keep being your amazing self, and pretty soon the RIGHT people will love the REAL you.

2.  No one else really knows what’s best for YOU.

Don’t lose yourself in your search for acceptance by others.  Walk your path confidently and don’t expect anyone else to understand your journey, especially if they have not been exactly where you are going.  You have to take the steps
that are right for you; no one else walks in your shoes.
Let others take you as you are, or not at all.  Speak your truth even if your voice shakes.  By being true to yourself, you put something breathtaking into the world that was not there before.  You are stunning when your passion and strength shines through as you follow your own path – when you aren’t distracted by the opinions of others.  You are powerful when you let your mistakes educate you, and your confidence builds from firsthand experiences – when you know you can fall down, pick yourself up, and move forward without asking for anyone else’s permission.  (Read Awaken the Giant Within.)

3.  YOU are the only person who can change YOUR life.

In every situation you have ever been in, positive or negative, the one common thread is you.  It is your responsibility, and yours alone, to recognize that regardless of what has happened up to this point in your life, you are capable of making choices to change your situation, or to change the way you think about it.  Don’t let the opinions of others interfere with this prevailing reality.
What you’re capable of achieving is not a function of what other people think is possible for you.  What you’re capable of achieving depends entirely on what you choose to do with your time and energy.  So stop worrying about what everyone else thinks.  Just keep living your truth.  The only people that will fault you for doing so are those who want you to live a lie.

4.  Society’s materialistic measurement of worth is worthless.

When you find yourself trapped between what moves you and what society tells you is right for you, always travel the route that makes you feel alive – unless you want everyone to be happy, except you.  No matter where life takes you, big cities or small towns, you will inevitably come across others who think they know what’s best for you – people who think they’re better than you – people who think happiness, success and beauty mean the same things to everyone.
They’ll try to measure your worth based on what you have, instead of who you are.  But you know better than that – material things don’t matter.  Don’t chase the money.  Catch up to the ideas and activities that make you come alive.  Go for the things of greater value – the things money can’t buy.  What matters is having strength of character, an honest heart, and a sense of self-worth.  If you’re lucky enough to have any of these things, never sell them.  Never sell yourself short. 

5.  Life isn’t a race; you have nothing to prove.

Everyone wants to get to the top of the mountain first and shout, “Look at me!  Look at me!”  But the truth is, all your happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing, not while you’re sitting at the top.  Enjoy the journey by paying attention to each step.  Don’t rush through your life and miss it.  Forget where everyone else is in relation to you.  This isn’t a race.  You get there a little at a time, not all at once.
Let go of the foolish need to prove yourself to everyone else, and you’ll free yourself to accomplish what matters most to you.  Sometimes you have to remind yourself that you don’t have to always be and do what everyone else is being and doing.

6.  The path to all great things passes through failure.

You are an ever-changing work in progress.  You don’t have to always be right, you just have to not be too worried about being wrong.  Screwing up is part of the process.  Looking like a fool sometimes is the only way forward.  If you try too hard to impress everyone else with your “perfection,” you will stunt your growth.  You will spend all your time looking a certain way, instead of living a certain way.
It’s impossible to live without failing sometimes, unless you live so cautiously that you aren’t really living at all – you’re merely existing.  If you’re too afraid of failing in front of others, you can’t possibly do what needs to be done to be successful in your own eyes.  You have to remember that it doesn’t matter how many times you fail or how messy your journey is, so long as you do not stop taking small steps forward.  In the end, those who don’t care that failure is inevitable are the ones that reach their dreams.  YOU can be one of them.  (Read The Last Lecture.)

7.  It’s impossible to please everyone anyway.

Some people will always tell you what you did wrong, and then hesitate to compliment you for what you did right.  Don’t be one of them, and don’t put up with them.
When you run into someone who discredits you, disrespects you and treats you poorly for no apparent reason at all, don’t consume yourself with trying to change them or win their approval.  And be sure not to leave any space in your heart to hate them.  Simply walk away and let karma deal with the things they say and do, because any bit of time you spend on these people will be wasted, and any bit of hate and aggravation in your heart will only hurt you in the end.

Afterthoughts

You don’t need a standing ovation or a bestseller or a promotion or a million bucks.  You are enough right now.  You have nothing to prove.  Care less about who you are to others and more about who you are to yourself.  You will have less heartaches and disappointments the minute you stop seeking from others the validation only YOU can give yourself.

The floor is yours…

How has the desire to be accepted by others interfered with your life?  What has it stopped you from doing or being?  How have you coped?  Leave a comment below and share your insights with us.
Photo by: Lali Masriera

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50 Quotes to Help You Let Go and Live

post written by: Angel Chernoff

50 Life Quotes on Letting Go
“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”
―Ann Landers
Letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care about someone or something anymore; it’s just realizing that the only thing you truly have control over is yourself, right here, right now.  It’s a necessary process of adapting to the ever-changing realities of life – leaving behind the past to make way for the present.

  1. As we grow older and wiser, we begin to realize what we need and what we need to leave behind.  Sometimes walking away is a step forward.
  2. You will never achieve what you are capable of if you’re too attached to things you’re supposed to let go of.
  3. Sometimes there are things in our lives that aren’t meant to stay.  Sometimes the changes we don’t want are the changes we need to grow.
  4. Growth and change may be painful sometimes, but nothing in life is as painful as staying stuck where you don’t belong.
  5. The hardest part about growing is letting go of what you were used to, and moving on with something you’re not.
  6. Accept what is, let go of what was and have faith in what could be.
  7. Don’t be afraid of change.  Change happens for a reason.  Roll with it.  It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
  8. It’s usually quite hard to let go and move on, but once you do, you’ll feel free and realize it was the best decision you’ve ever made.
  9. Never let your fear decide your future.
  10. Fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in your mind.  It’s difficult to follow your heart, but it’s a tragedy to let the lies of fear stop you.  (Read Daring Greatly.)
  11. You can’t always wait for the perfect moment.  Sometimes you must let go and dare to do it because life is too short to wonder what could have been.
  12. You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or a week ago.  You’re always growing.  Experiences don’t stop.  That’s life.
  13. One of the most rewarding moments in life is when you finally find the courage to let go of what you can’t change.
  14. Never force anything.  Give it your best shot, and then let it be.  If it’s meant to be, it will be.  Don’t hold yourself down with things you can’t control.
  15. When you stop expecting people and situations to be perfect, you can start to appreciate them for who and what they are.
  16. Live simply.  Love generously.  Speak truthfully.  Breathe deeply.  Do your best.  Leave everything else to the powers above you.
  17. Giving up and moving on are two very different things.
  18. Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting, it means you choose happiness over hurt.
  19. Giving up doesn’t always mean you’re weak; sometimes it simply means you are strong enough and smart enough to let go and grow.
  20. Stop focusing on how stressed you are and remember how blessed you are.  It could be so much worse.
  21. Whatever is bringing you down, let it GO!  You don’t need that negativity in your life.  Keep calm and be positive.  Good things will happen.
  22. Some people cannot stand that you’re moving on with your life and so they will try to drag your past to catch up with you.  Do not help them by acknowledging their behavior.  Keep moving forward.
  23. No matter how you live, someone will be disappointed.  So just live your truth and be sure YOU aren’t the one who is disappointed in the end.
  24. Love yourself!  Forgive yourself!  Accept yourself!  You are YOU and that’s the beginning and the end - no apologies, no regrets.
  25. You are GOOD enough, SMART enough, FINE enough, and STRONG enough.  You don’t need other people to validate you; you’re already valuable. 
  26. One of the most freeing things we learn in life is that we don’t have to like everyone, everyone doesn’t have to like us, and it’s perfectly OK.
  27. Try not to take things other people say about you too personally.  What they think and say is a reflection of them, not you.
  28. If you care too much about what other people think, in a way, you will always be their prisoner.
  29. Sometimes we expect more from others because we’d be willing to do that much for them.  Keep loving.  You’ll learn who’s worth it in the end.
  30. Not everyone will appreciate what you do for them.  You have to figure out who’s worth your attention and who’s just taking advantage of you.
  31. Saying yes to happiness means learning to say no to the people and things that hurt you.  Be wise enough to walk away from the negativity.
  32. What you allow is what will continue.  It’s better to be lonely than allow negative people and their opinions derail you from your destiny.
  33. If you feel like your ship is sinking, it might be a good time to throw out the stuff that’s been weighing it down.  Let go of people who bring you down, and surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you.
  34. Just because someone has been in your life for many years, doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be a point at which you finally decide to let go.
  35. One of the most difficult tasks in life is removing someone from your heart.
  36. You have to understand that people come and people go.  That’s life.  Stop holding on to those who have let go of you long ago.
  37. Sometimes we don’t forgive people because they deserve it.  We forgive them because they need it, because we need it, and because we cannot let go and move forward without it.
  38. The first to apologize is the bravest.  The first to forgive is the strongest.  The first to move forward is the happiest.
  39. Don’t cry over the past, it’s gone.  Don’t stress about the future, it hasn’t arrived.  Do your best to live in the NOW and make it beautiful.  (Read The Power of Now.)
  40. Be wise enough to let go when you should and strong enough to hold on when you must.
  41. Don’t let dumb little things break your happiness.  True wealth is the ability to experience and appreciate each moment for what it’s worth.
  42. Life is too short to spend at war with yourself.  Practice acceptance and forgiveness.  Letting go of yesterday’s troubles is your first step towards happiness today.
  43. Worry gives small things a big shadow.  In the end, you can either focus on what’s tearing you apart, or what’s holding you together.
  44. Old worries are down payments on problems you may never have.  Let them go.  Today is a NEW beginning; take a deep breath and START AGAIN.
  45. Smile, even when it feels like things are falling apart.  Smiling doesn’t always mean you’re happy; sometimes it simply means you’re strong.
  46. There comes a time when you have to stop thinking about your mistakes and move on.  No regrets in life – just lessons that show you the way.
  47. Remember the good times, be strong during tough times, love always, laugh often, live honestly, and be thankful for each new day.
  48. You can’t let one bad moment spoil a bunch of good ones.  Don’t let the silly little dramas of each day get you down.
  49. If you are diligent and patient, everything you truly need in your life will come to you at the right time.
  50. Everything will fall into place eventually.  Until then, learn what you can, laugh often, live for the moments, and know it’s all worthwhile.

Your turn…

What’s your favorite quote or personal saying that has helped you let go and live well?  Please share it with us by leaving a reply below.
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Tuesday 19 November 2013

8 Ways You’re Wasting Your Life

post written by: Marc Chernoff

8 Ways You’re Wasting Your Life
One of the hardest challenges we face in life is to simply live in our own skin – to just be right here, right now, regardless of where we are.  Too often we needlessly distract ourselves with anything and everything: food, booze, shopping, television, tabloid news, online social networks, video games, cell phones, iPods, etc. – basically anything to keep us from being fully present in the current moment.
We use compulsive work, compulsive exercise, compulsive love affairs, and the like, to escape from ourselves and the realities of living.  In fact, many of us will go to great lengths to avoid the feeling of being alone in an undistracted environment.  So we succumb to hanging-out with just about anybody to avoid the feeling of solitude.  For being alone means dealing with our true feelings: fear, anxiety, happiness, anger, joy, resentment, disappointment, anticipation, sadness, excitement, despair, and so on and so forth.
And it doesn’t really matter if our feelings are positive or negative – they are overwhelming and exhausting, and so we prefer to numb ourselves to them.  The bottom line is that every one of us is an addict, and what we are addicted to is avoiding ourselves.  Acknowledging this addiction is the first step to healing it.  So begin today by just noticing with curiosity, and without judgment, all of the ways in which you avoid being in your own skin, right here, right now, in this present moment we call life.
Here are eight reasons so many of us miss out on life as it’s happening.
  1. The fear of missing out. – If you feel anxious because you constantly feel like you’re missing out on something happening somewhere else, you’re not alone.  We all feel this way sometimes.  But let me assure you, you could run around trying to do everything, and travel around the world, and always stay connected, and work and party all night long without sleep, but you could never do it all.  You will always be missing something.  So let it go, and realize you have everything right now.  The best in life isn’t somewhere else; it’s right where you are, at this moment.  Celebrate the perhaps not altogether insignificant fact that you are alive right now.  This moment, and who you are, is absolutely perfect.  Take a deep breath, smile, and notice how lovely it is.  Read The Power of Now.
  2. Avoiding pain and defeat. – Not to spoil the ending for you, but everything is going to be OK – you just need to learn a lesson or two first.  Don’t run from the realities of the present moment.  The pain and defeat contained within is necessary to your long-term growth.  Remember, there is a difference between encountering defeats and being defeated.  Nothing ever goes away until it teaches you what you need to know, so you can move on to the next step.
  3. Holding on to what’s no longer there. – Some of us spend the vast majority of our lives recounting past memories, and letting them steer the course of the present.  Don’t waste your time trying to live in another time and place.  Let the past, go.  You must accept the end of something in order to begin to build something new.  So close some old doors today.  Not because of pride, inability or egotism, but simply because you’ve entered each one of them in the past and realize that they lead to nowhere.
  4. Retelling a self-defeating story. – If we continue to repeat a story in our head, we eventually believe that story and embrace it – whether it empowers us or not.  So the question is: Does your story empower you?  Don’t place your mistakes on your mind, their weight may crush your current potential.  Instead, place them under your feet and use them as a platform to view the horizon.  Remember, all things are difficult before they are easy.  What matters the most is what you start doing now.  Read Awaken the Giant Within.
  5. Attempting to fit in by becoming someone else. – The hardest battle you’re ever going to fight is the battle to be you, just the way you are in this moment.  We cannot find ourselves if we are always searching for, or morphing into, someone else.  In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, find the courage to keep being your awesome self.  Be your own kind of beautiful right now, in the way only you know how.
  6. The picture in your head of how it’s supposed to be. – What often screws us up the most in life is the picture in our head of how it’s supposed to be.  Although every good thing has an end, in life every ending is just a new beginning.  Life goes on – not always the way we had envisioned it would be, but always the way it’s supposed to be.  Remember, we usually can’t choose the music life plays for us, but we can choose how we dance to it.  Read The Last Lecture.
  7. Berating yourself for not being perfect. – Don’t be too hard on yourself.  There are plenty of people willing to do that for you.  Do your best and surrender the rest.  Tell yourself, “I am doing the best I can with what I have in this moment.  And that is all I can expect of anyone, including me.”  Love yourself and be proud of everything that you do, even your mistakes.  Because even mistakes mean you’re trying.
  8. Waiting, and then waiting some more. – Stop waiting for tomorrow; you will never get today back.  It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past.  It doesn’t matter how low or unworthy you feel right now.  The simple fact that you’re alive makes you worthy.  Life is too short for excuses.  Stop settling.  Stop procrastinating.  Start today by taking one courageous step forward.  If you are not sure exactly which way to go, it is always wise to follow your heart.
Photo by: Eliot

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16 Harsh Truths that Make Us Stronger

Harsh Truths that Make Us Stronger
It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more manhood (or womanhood) to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind.
- Alex Karras

  1. Life is not easy. – Hard work makes people lucky – it’s the stuff that brings dreams to reality.  So start every morning ready to run farther than you did yesterday and fight harder than you ever have before.  (Read The Road Less Traveled.)
  2. You will fail sometimes.  – The faster you accept this, the faster you can get on with being brilliant.  You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.  So get out there and do something!  Either you succeed or you learn a vital lesson.  Win – Win.
  3. Right now, there’s a lot you don’t know. – The day you stop learning is the day you stop living.  Embrace new information, think about it and use it to advance yourself.
  4. There may not be a tomorrow. – Not for everyone.  Right now, someone on Earth is planning something for tomorrow without realizing they’re going to die today.  This is sad but true.  So spend your time wisely today and pause long enough to appreciate it.
  5. There’s a lot you can’t control. – Wasting your time, talent and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control is a recipe for frustration, misery and stagnation.  Invest your energy in the things you can control.
  6. Information is not true knowledge. – Knowledge comes from experience.  You can discuss a task a hundred times, but these discussions will only give you a philosophical understanding.  You must experience a task firsthand to truly know it.
  7. You can’t be successful without providing value. – Don’t waste your time trying to be successful, spend your time creating value.  When you’re valuable to the world around you, you will be successful.  (Read Linchpin: Are You Indispensable?)
  8. Someone else will always have more than you.  – Whether it’s money, friends or magic beans that you’re collecting, there will always be someone who has more than you.  But remember, it’s not how many you have, it’s how passionate you are about collecting them.  It’s all about the journey.
  9. You can’t change the past. – As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”  You can’t change what happened, but you can change how you react to it.
  10. The only person who can make you happy is you. – The root of your happiness comes from your relationship with yourself.  Sure external entities can have fleeting effects on your mood, but in the long run nothing matters more than how you feel about who you are on the inside.
  11. There will always be people who don’t like you. – You can’t be everything to everyone.  No matter what you do, there will always be someone who thinks differently.  So concentrate on doing what you know in your heart is right.  What others think and say about you isn’t all that important.  What is important is how you feel about yourself.
  12. You won’t always get what you want. – As Mick Jagger once said, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might find you get what you need.”  Look around.  Appreciate the things you have right now.  Many people aren’t so lucky.
  13. In life, you get what you put in. – If you want love, give love.  If you want friends, be friendly.  If you want money, provide value.  It really is this simple.  (Read The Four Agreements.)
  14. Good friends will come and go. – Most of your high school friends won’t be a part of your college life.  Most of your college friends won’t be a part of your 20-something professional life.  Most of your 20-something friends won’t be there when your spouse and you bring your second child into the world.  But some friends will stick.  And it’s these friends – the ones who transcend time with you – who matter.
  15. Doing the same exact thing every day hinders self growth. – If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Growth happens when you change things – when you try new things – when you stretch beyond your comfort zone.
  16. You will never feel 100% ready for something new. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means you won’t feel totally comfortable or ready for it.
And remember, trying to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.  Strength comes from being comfortable in your own skin.
Photo by: Jhong Dizon

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Sunday 17 November 2013

10 Harsh Realities that Help You Grow


post written by: Marc Chernoff

10 Harsh Realities that Help You Grow
All the world is full of suffering.  It is also full of overcoming.
—Helen Keller
Character and wisdom are sculpted over time.  They come with loss, lessons, and triumphs.  They come after doubts, second guesses, and exploring unknowns.  If there were a definitive path to happiness and success, everyone would be on it.  The seeds of your progress are planted in your past failures.  Your best stories will come from overcoming your greatest struggles.  Your praises will be birthed from your pains.  So keep standing, keep learning, and keep living.
Over the past decade Angel and I have dealt with several severe hardships, including the sudden death of a sibling, the loss of a best friend to illness, betrayal from a business partner, and an unexpected breadwinning employment layoff.  These experiences were brutal.  Each of them, unsurprisingly, knocked us down and kept us down for a while.  But when our time of mourning was over after each tragedy, we pressed forward, stronger, and with a greater understanding and respect for life.
So my challenge to you today is this:  Start looking at life’s harsh realities and toughest challenges as friends that are going to help you grow.
Here are some thoughts to consider…

1.  The first step is never easy.

The beginnings to good things are always the hardest, but it’s these hard times that pave the path to greatness.  Be strong and keep the faith.  It will be worth it in the end.  The greatest miracle of your success in life will not be that you finished, it will be that you found the strength and courage to begin.
And remember, it’s not that those who are strong never get weak in the knees, or that they never hold their breath before they embark…  It’s that while their knees are shaking, they force themselves to breathe and take the first step.

2.  Good things rarely come quick and easy.

Life is not easy, but it’s worth it.  If you expect it to be, you will perpetually disappoint yourself.  Achieving anything worthwhile in life takes time and effort.  You must align your efforts with your goals and then start every day ready to run farther than you did yesterday and fight harder than you ever have before.
Persistence is the single most common characteristic of high achievers.  They simply refuse to give up.  The longer you hang in there, the greater the chance that something will happen in your favor.  Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration and inspiration.  No matter how hard it seems, the more you persist, the more likely your success.  (Read The Last Lecture.)

3.  You will always have less control than you desire.

The only thing you can absolutely control in life is how you react to things out of your control, and there’s a lot you can’t control.  The better you adapt to this reality, the more powerful your highs will be, and the more quickly you’ll be able to bounce back from the lows.  Put most simply: Living a happy, fulfilling life means being in a state of complete acceptance of all that is, right here, right now.
As your life unfolds, you will often realize that many of the times you thought you were being rejected from something good, you were in fact being redirected to something better.  You don’t have to control everything to find peace and happiness.  You just need to do you best, and then relax and have faith that things will work out.  Let go and just let life happen the way it’s supposed to.  Because sometimes the outcomes you can’t change end up changing you and helping you grow to your full potential.

4.  You cannot avoid risk without avoiding life.

As Henry David Thoreau once said, “When it’s time to die, let us not discover that we have never lived.”
Living is a risk.  Happiness is a risk.  If you’re not a little scared sometimes, then you’re not doing it right.  Don’t worry about mistakes and failures, worry about what you’re giving up when you don’t even try.  Worry about the life you’re not living and the happiness you’re forgoing, as you merely exist in the safety of your comfort zone.  Give yourself permission to be one the people who survived doing it wrong, who made mistakes, but recovered from them and grew into their true selves.

5.  Your biggest problems are often in your head.

The primary cause of unhappiness and defeat is never the current situation but your thoughts about it.  Happiness and success really comes down to two elements: the way you think and the way you act based upon your thoughts.
Human beings become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do great things, right now, without the need for anything more.  When you believe in yourself, you have realized the first secret of success.  Often finding your way is not about going somewhere new; it’s about seeing familiar ground in new ways.  Once you do, you will realize the only difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is how you use them. 

6.  Long-term happiness cannot be bought; it must be earned.

If you’d rather live surrounded by pristine objects of little significance than by the traces of happy, passionate memories, stay focused on acquiring tangible possessions.  Otherwise, stop fixating on things you can touch and start caring about the things that touch you.  Each of us has a unique fire in our heart for something that makes us feel alive.  It’s your duty to find it and keep it lit.
Whatever you do, don’t completely sacrifice your life for your livelihood.  Enjoy the gifts money can’t buy.  Promise yourself that you will stay true to your loves, your values, and your purpose.  Let your heart and mind work as one.  Do what it takes so that one day, many moons from now, you can look back at your life, take one final breath, and crack an honest smile.

7.  Not everyone will support you.

If you take every insult or rude slur of your fellow human beings personally, you will be offended for the rest of your life.  One of the most freeing things we learn in life is that we don’t have to agree with everyone, everyone doesn’t have to agree with us, and that’s OK.  As Bruce Lee once said, “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”  Live by this quote.  Don’t let the opinions of others make you forget it.
It takes a long time to learn how to NOT judge yourself through someone else’s eyes, but once you do the world is yours for the taking.  We have all been placed on this earth to discover our own life, and we will never be happy or successful if we try to live someone else’s idea of it.  So give up worrying too much about what others think of you.  Regardless of what they say about you and your chosen path, remember that the only approval you need in the end is your own.

8.  You are better off without some people you care about.

It’s during the toughest times of your life that you’ll get to see the true colors of the people who say they care about you.  Notice who sticks around and who doesn’t, and be grateful to those who leave you, for they have given you the room to grow in the space they abandoned, and the awareness to appreciate the people who loved you when you didn’t feel lovable.
Bottom line:  Be okay with giving the gift of your absence to those who do not appreciate and respect your presence.

9.  You cannot have happiness without some sadness.

Chuck Palahniuk once said, “The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  Some sadness is necessary.  Everything in life is two-sided.  You can’t expect to feel pleasure without ever feeling pain, joy without ever feeling sorrow, confidence without ever feeling fearful, hope without ever feeling uncertain, etc.  There is no such thing as a one-sided coin in life, with which you can buy a pain-free, trouble-free life.
Life is a series of highs and lows – an adventure that requires you to take chances and actions that have the possibility of both success (happiness) and failure (sadness).  (Read Buddha’s Brain.)

10.  What’s done is done, but life goes on.

If you are carrying strong emotions about something that happened in your past, they may hinder your ability to live productively in the present.  With everything that has happened, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift of knowledge.  Everything is either an opportunity to learn and grow or an obstacle that keeps you stuck.  You get to choose.
Take a deep breath.  It’s going to be OK… maybe not today, but eventually.  There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong.  You might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t.  Sure the sun stops shining sometimes, and you may get a huge thunderstorm or two, but eventually the sun will come out to shine.  Sometimes it’s just a matter of us staying as positive as possible in order to make it to see the sunshine break through the clouds again.

Your turn…

What would you add to this post?  What’s one harsh reality you’ve had to face, or hardship you’ve had to deal with, that helped you grow?  Please leave us a comment below and share your thoughts.
Photo by: Trey Ratcliff

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10 Relationship Tips Everyone Forgets


post written by: Marc Chernoff

10 Relationship Tips Everyone Needs to Practice
“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow – this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.”
―Elizabeth Gilbert
Several years ago, on their 50th anniversary, my 87-year-old grandfather looked at my 84-year-old grandmother and said, “This right here, our relationship, this is my greatest accomplishment.”
My grandfather’s words have always remained with me.  They were beautifully romantic, but more importantly, they were delightfully true.  Healthy relationships are accomplishments.  They take commitment and work, and two people who are willing to meet in the middle and put in the necessary effort.
If you’re in a relationship, intimate or platonic, that could use a little help, the tips below will come in handy…

1.  Let go of old wounds through forgiveness.

Every moment of your life you are either growing or dying – and when you are physically healthy, it’s a choice, not fate.  The art of maintaining happiness in your life and relationships relies on the fine balancing act of holding on and letting go.  Yes, sometimes people you trust (including yourself) will hurt you.  Being hurt is something you can’t avoid, but being continuously miserable is always a choice.  Forgiveness is the remedy.  You have to let go of what’s behind you before you can grasp the goodness in front of you.

2.  Come clean when you make a mistake.

An honest heart is the beginning of everything that is right with this world.  The most honorable people of all are not those who never make mistakes, but those who admit to them when they do, and then go on and do their best to right the wrongs they’ve made.  In the end, being honest might not always win you a lot of friends and lovers, but it will always keep the right ones in your life.

3.  Stop gossiping and start communicating.

A good rule of thumb:  If you can’t say it to their face, you shouldn’t say it behind their back.  As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, and small minds discuss people.”  Life is much too short to waste talking about people, gossiping, and stirring up trouble that has no substance.  If you don’t know, ask. If you don’t agree, say so.  If you don’t like it, speak up.  But never judge people behind their back.

4.  Give others the space to make their own decisions.

Stop judging others by your own past.  Never act, judge, or treat people like you know them better than they know themselves.  They are living a different life than you are.  What might be good for one person may not be good for another.  What might be bad for one person might change another person’s life for the better.  Allow the people in your life to make their own mistakes and their own decisions.

5.  Do things that make YOU happy.

If you want to awaken happiness in a relationship, start by living a life that makes you happy and then radiate your happiness into your relationship.  If you want to eliminate suffering in a relationship, start by eliminating the dark and negative parts of yourself, and then radiate your positivity into your relationship.  Truly, the greatest power you have in this world is the power of your own self-transformation.  All the positive change you seek in any relationship starts with the one in the mirror.  (Read The Four Agreements.)

6.  Show your loved ones your kindness in small ways every day.

Aesop once said, “No act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  Always be kinder than necessary.  You never know what someone is going through.  Sometimes you have to be kind to someone, not because they’re being nice, but because you are.  Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

7.  Say less when less means more.

It takes some courage to stand up and speak; it takes even more courage to open your mind and listen.  Pay attention and be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble.  The people in your life often need a listening ear more than they need a rambling voice.  And don’t listen with the intent to reply; hear what is being said with the intent to understand.  You are as beautiful as the love you give, and you are as wise as the silence you leave behind.

8.  Let your love and trust overpower your fear.

You never lose by loving; you lose by holding back.  No relationship is impossible until you refuse to give it a chance.  Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to.  Without this trust, a relationship cannot survive.  You cannot just believe what you fear from others; you have to believe in the good faith of others.  If you are ever going to have someone trust you, you must feel that you can trust them too.

9.  Accept, don’t expect.

Unconditional acceptance is something we want, but rarely ever give out.  Remember, people never do anything that is out of character.  They may do things that go against your expectations, but what people do reveals exactly who they are.  Never force your expectations on people, other than the expectation that they will be exactly who they are.  Who they are is not what they say or what you have come to expect, it is who they reveal themselves to be.  Either you accept them as they are, or you move on without them.  (Read Getting the Love You Want.)

10.  Let the wrong ones go.

Know your worth!  When you give your time to someone who doesn’t respect you, you surrender pieces of your heart you will never get back.  All failed relationships hurt, but losing someone who doesn’t appreciate and respect you is actually a gain, not a loss.  Some people come into your life temporarily simply to teach you something.  They come and they go and they make a difference.  It’s perfectly okay that they’re not in your life anymore.  You now have more time to focus on the relationships that truly matter.

Afterthoughts

Remember, even the healthiest relationships have small flaws.  Being too black and white about the quality and health of a relationship spells trouble.  Accept the fact that there will always be difficulties present, but you can still focus on the good.  Instead of constantly looking for signs of what’s not working in your relationship, what you need to do is look for signs of what is, and then use this as a solid foundation to build upon.

Your turn…

Which of these relationship tips do you sometimes struggle with?  What else would you add to the list?  Please leave us a comment below and share your thoughts.
 Photo by: Hamed Masoumi


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11 Little Signs You’re Doing Just Fine

post written by: Angel Chernoff

 11 Signs You’re Doing Just Fine


by Ernest Dempsey
Focus on what you don’t have and you will never have enough.  Be thankful for what you do have and you will end up having even more.
It’s a vague feeling you can’t quite put your finger on.  From the outside, people might think you have an awesome life, but they can’t see what’s going on in your head.  Emptiness fills your thoughts and emotions all too often, nagging at you throughout the day.  You set goals but they never satisfy your ego.  The search can seem almost endless at times.
And the question continues to circulate throughout your mind:  “How do I find happiness?”
You don’t have to live like this.  Fortunately, there is a better way to view the world that will lead to what you seek.  The first step along the way is to stop searching.  You will never find happiness by continuously looking for it.  When you focus on the lack of something in your life, what you seek will always elude you.
Rather than dwelling on what is missing, begin to look at what you have.  This isn’t just about material items.  It can be people, experiences, pets, or anything else you have present in your life.  When you focus on the abundance you already have, the negative feelings that come from lacking something else gradually fade from your conscious.
Having trouble thinking of some things to feel grateful for?  Here’s a short list of things you have to smile about – some obvious signs you’re doing just fine in life:
  1. You have food available to eat. – When you eat something today, even if it’s just a small snack, give thanks.  Savor it and appreciate the fact that you can grab something to eat anytime you’re hungry.  Stop and think about the farmers and manufacturers who provided it, and even the people who distributed the food to your location.  A lot of work goes into making your food available to you.  Be grateful for it.
  2. There is a nearby faucet with clean water. – In many parts of the world clean water is not readily available.  Some people walk miles just to get water that is dirty and contaminated.  Others struggle through tough terrain and incredible danger to get access to the very same quality of water you have on-demand access to.  So next time you turn on your faucet, smile.
  3. You take a warm shower at least once a day. – Speaking of water, this one is so easy to take for granted, especially if you shower every morning just to freshen yourself up.  So many people don’t have access to clean water, let alone clean warm water that can instantly wash over their skin and help them greet the morning.  You do, however, and this is a true privilege.
  4. You have your own comfortable bed. – When you get home after a long day and plop down on your bed to rest, it’s easy to forget how miserable you would be without it.  It’s easy to forget about the thousands of people in this world that don’t have this luxury.  So next time you lay down on your bed, take a second and feel how soft and comfy it is and say, “Thank you.”  As you close your eyes, let appreciation pour from your heart.
  5. There’s a roof over your head and walls around you. – While you’re in your bed at night drifting off to sleep, think about the roof that’s keeping you dry and safe.  It’s kind of a big deal.  Bugs and wild animals could have their way with you without your home’s roof and walls.  You would also be at the mercy of all the elements:  rain, cold, snow, wind, heat, sun, etc.
  6. You can control the temperature of your environment. – This one gets forgotten easily, until it’s the middle of July and the air conditioning stops working, or the middle of winter and the heat doesn’t come on.  While things are in working order, be grateful each time you adjust the thermostat in your home or car and it begins to change the temperature of your environment.
  7. You don’t have to walk everywhere. – Whether you have a car, a bike, or just enough money to get where you need to go using public transportation, it sure is nice to have the option not to walk.  Appreciate the fact that you have some way to get around, even if it isn’t the classiest conveyance available.
  8. You’re wearing clean clothes. – You may not have the nicest, the newest, or the trendiest clothes.  You may even have a stain or two on your favorite pair of jeans, but they are clean and they keep you warm and comfortable.  Every day when you open your dresser drawer, look at all the options you have and smile.  Grab a piece of clothing and take a big whiff of that clean, fresh laundry scent.  Life is good.
  9. Morning coffee and tea is an option. – (I’m mentioning this because it’s one of my personal favorites.)  Instead of just gulping down your daily cup of joe or tea, try sipping on it slowly, savoring every little bit.  Enjoy the steamy goodness, the earthy tones, and the smooth balance of flavors.  Savor the goodness and let it remind you of how fortunate you are.
  10. There are people in this world who love you. – Life is happiest when it’s shared.  Cherish your close friends and family members.  You’re lucky to have them.  Even in life’s hardest times, you can sustain yourself with the love they give to you.  They are significant; never forget how significant.
  11. There is oxygen available to breathe. – This is perhaps the most universal luxury we all take for granted.  Your life wouldn’t last very long without it.  Take a deep, slow breath and feel your lungs expand.  Someone once said oxygen is something we don’t think about until we don’t have it.  So go ahead, take a moment and think about it now.
Recognizing these simple luxuries you already have in your life on a daily basis can take you from a mindset of wishing you had more, to a mindset of joyful appreciation.  Give it a try.

Your turn…

What would you add to the list?  What’s something you’re grateful for that you sometimes take for granted?  Please leave a comment below and let the community know.
Photo by: Tanzil Tafheem

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8 Ways to Stop Hurting Your Happiness

post written by: Marc Chernoff


8 Ways to Stop Hurting Your Health and Happiness
“No medicine cures what happiness cannot.”
―Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez
It takes no more time to see the good side of life and act upon it than it does to see the bad side and trip over it.  If you don’t like something, change it.  If you can’t change it, change your thinking.  If you know you’re on the wrong track right now, take a deep breath.  It’s OK.  Sometimes you have to be wrong before you can be right.
The road of life is rarely smooth.  It’s easy to stumble and fall and hurt yourself.  But these bumps and bruises are a necessary part of your growth – you fall down, you learn something, and then you brush yourself off and move forward.
Today, let’s take a step forward.  Your bad habits – the ones that hurt your health and happiness – are 100% dependent on YOU for their survival.  Stop allowing these habits to control, limit, stifle, and discourage you from being your best self.  Today is YOURS to shape; own it!  Break free from the bad habits that are poisoning and diluting your potential.

1.  Stop resisting what is.

Life is a series of continuous natural events and changes.  Don’t resist them; doing so only creates unnecessary stress.  Let the reality of these events and changes take place.  Let them flow.  Or as Henry Wadsworth once said, “For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.”
To move forward in life you must first accept the reality of what it is.  This acceptance provides you with an important starting point from which you can move in any direction you choose.  To deny this reality or to fight against the past will merely waste your time and energy.  To wish that things were different, or to pretend that they are, gets you nowhere.
Acceptance is letting go and allowing things to be the way they truly are.  It doesn’t mean you don’t care about improving the realities of life; it’s just realizing that the only thing you really have control over is yourself in the present moment.  This simple understanding is the foundation of acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be peace and growth in your life.
Forgiveness is a big part of this process.  Forgiveness is the acceptance of the present moment, as it is, without attachment to any other time, place, or circumstance.  Almost all negativity is caused by a lack of forgiveness and denial of the present.  Unease, anxiety, guilt, tension, stress, worry, and resentment – all forms of unhealthy attachment – are caused by too much past and future, and not enough presence.

2.  Stop over-complicating things.

There are specific disciplines and ways of seeing the world that you have to understand before you can awaken to a simpler, happier life.  As Einstein once said, “Out of clutter, find simplicity; from discord, find harmony; in the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity.”
Sometimes we make life more complicated than it is.  We attach our happiness to achievement and then look for it in all the wrong ways and in all the wrong places.  Of course, you don’t have to live like this.  If you feel like you are, it’s time to simplify things.  It’s time to clear the air and get back to the basics.
Simplifying is not seeing how little you can get by with – that’s poverty – but how efficiently you can put first things first, and use your time accordingly to pursue the things that make a difference and mean the most to you.  Less really is more.  Instead of adding, improve your life by subtracting.  Get rid of unnecessary clutter, negative influences and toxic relationships.  There is a big difference between what you want and what you need, between what’s excessive and what’s essential. 

3.  Stop going through the motions without knowing where you’re going.

Life is kind of like climbing a ladder; you can climb the ladder as fast as you want, but it’s going to be a stressful waste of time if you get to the top and realize you’re leaning against the wrong wall.  You need to get this step in your life right to ensure that you are not wasting your energy on goals that you do not truly want to achieve.  Make sure your goals are truly YOURS, and in line with your values.  If you’re striving for someone else’s goals you are never going to be motivated or happy pursuing them.
So the key is to figure out a few things that you truly want, and make sure you truly understand why you want these things.  Then write your mission statement.  It’s not just about setting goals; it’s a big picture project that helps you figure out who you are, what you represent, and where you intend to go in life.  It’s your personal manifesto – a framework for determining your actions, priorities, and opportunities.
Establish goals that inspire you even if they seem slightly out of reach at the moment.  If you set goals that are too easy to achieve, you likely achieve far less than you are capable of.  As Les Brown so profoundly said, “Shoot for the moon, and if you miss you will still be standing among the stars.”

4.  Stop abandoning your downtime.

Sometimes you just need to rest, think and be thankful.  Go ahead and withdraw from the cares of the world that will not withdraw from you.
Every person needs some time away – a few calm moments every day to consciously separate the productive from the busy and the past from the present.  Commitments, obligations, family, employers and friends can exist during this time frame without you.  You deserve this time away in which no problems are faced and no solutions explored.
Remember that rest is part of growing and getting stronger.  Your body and mind need to shut down every now and then to recuperate.  It’s simple: slow down, breathe and get more sleep.  Results = work + rest.
Create healthy habits for downtime.  No screens within 30 minutes of bedtime.  Drink decaffeinated tea instead of coffee and soda.  Decompress by writing, reading or meditating.  Get at least seven hours of sleep to rejuvenate your mind and muscles.  Etc.  (Read The Power of Less.)

5.  Stop using non-prescribed drugs to numb your true self.

Drugs are a waste of time. They destroy your body and mind, your self-respect and everything good that goes along with your self-esteem.
People use drugs, legal and illegal, because the lives they choose to live are intolerably dull and unhappy.  They hate their surroundings, their work and routines and find no comfort in their leisure activities.  They are estranged from their true friends, families and passions, and yet they still find time to chat with a stranger at a bar about matters of insignificance.  It should tell you something, that many forms of drug use in our society are socially acceptable and socially promoted, whereas this same level of consumption among our moments of solitude are often lonely and shameful.  We need drugs, apparently, because we have lost touch with our true selves and each other.
Forget the drugs.  Focus on reality.  Feel your true senses and use them to fuel your journey.

6.  Stop eating garbage.

Health can make or break your happiness and potential for success.  You have to feed your body what it needs – REAL food.  You don’t have to be a vegan, go Paleo, or keep up with a crazy diet to be healthy.  Just eat high quality, nutritious foods and eliminate sugars and processed garbage.  Eat foods that come from the Earth, not out of some machine or chemistry set.
Also, practice mindful eating.  Don’t dine in front of the television.  No eating straight out of the bag either.  Make yourself a plate and measure out reasonable portions.  Try to savor or at least taste what you are eating.  Use smaller plates and drink more water to prevent overeating.

7.  Stop neglecting your body.

Move and you will be rewarded with energy, confidence and clear thinking.
Regardless of the size and shape of your body, it is the greatest tool you will ever own and the only place you ever truly live.  Without it, you wouldn’t be alive.  How you take care of it or fail to take care of it can make an enormous difference in the quality of your life.
Studies have shown that exercising for fifteen minutes, three days each week, can add three years to your life.  And it will also help you feel darn good about yourself, because a fit, healthy body is by far the most attractive fashion statement.  (Read The 4-Hour Body.)

8.  Stop slacking on doing the work.

There is no secret to success, health or happiness, except doing the work.  Don’t ask for permission or apologize for wanting to pursue a meaningful goal; just pursue it already.   Be confident in your abilities and clueless to the idea that failure is an option.  Learn as you go.  Fail forward.
The world needs your ideas, your art, and your work.  If you are holding back because you’re scared, you’re not just letting yourself down; you’re letting us all down.  Forget about critics and pessimists; share your intelligence and unique perspectives.  Once you do, and the hustle gets in your veins, failure will cease to be relevant.
Be willing to do the work because you believe in it, because you can, because it’s the right thing to do.  Persist despite uncertainties and second-guessing.  Do it consistently today, tomorrow and every day thereafter. Walk the talk.  Actions speak so much louder than words.  Stop talking about all of the great ideas you have and DO something EPIC.  Explanations and justifications are useless when actions and results speak for themselves.

The floor is yours…

How have you been hurting your health and happiness?  What’s one bad habit you need to stop?  Please leave a comment below.
Photo by: Zitona


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Sunday 10 November 2013

How To Get Whatever You Want


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“You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” — Zig Ziglar
How do you get whatever you want?   According to Tony Robbins, it’s simple:
Ask.
But you have to ask effectively.
You have to ask with precision.  You need to ask the right people.  You need to ask the right way.   And, you need to keep changing your approach until you succeed.

Ask for Help More Effectively

One of the most powerful things I learned from Tony Robbins long ago was how to ask for help more effectively.   Sure, we get by with a  little help from our friends, but we get by a whole lot better if we know how to leverage the world around us, by asking more effectively.
The big surprise for me early on was how hard it is to actually ask specifically.  It’s easy to have a want or a need.  It’s another thing to express that want or need with clarity and simplicity, both to yourself and others.  In fact, once you know how to ask with precision, you’ll start paying attention to how other people ask for what they want or what they need.
And guess what?   You’ll actually be surprised by how most people aren’t very good at this.   That’s why they have a hard time getting what they want.
In the book, Unlimited Power:  The New Science of Personal Achievement, Tony Robbins shares the keys to getting whatever you want, by asking more effectively.

How To Ask More Effectively

According to Tony Robbins here are the steps get whatever you want:
  1. Ask specifically
  2. Ask someone who can help you
  3. Create value for the person you’re asking
  4. Ask with focused, congruent belief
  5. Ask until you get what you want

1.  Ask Specifically

To get what you want, you have to know what you want.  In detail.  You have to be specific.   Tony Robbins writes:
“You must describe what you want, both to yourself and someone else.  How high, how far, how much?  When, where, how, with whom? If your business needs a loan, you’ll get it — if you know how to ask.  You won’t get it if you say, ‘We need more money to expand into a new product line.  Please lend us some.’  You need to define precisely what you need, why you need it, and when you need it.  You need to be able to show what you’ll be able to produce with it.  You need to be able to show what you’ll be able to produce with it.”

2.  Ask Someone Who Can Help You

All too often, we ask the wrong person.   To get what you want, you have to ask somebody who can actually help you.  Tony Robbins writes:
“It’s not enough to ask specifically, you must ask specifically of someone who has the resources — the knowledge, the capital, the sensitivity, or the business experience.  Let’s say you’re having trouble with your spouse.  Your relationship is falling apart.  You can pour out your heart.  You can be as specific and as honest as humanly possible.  But if you seek help from someone who has as pitiful a relationship as you do, will you succeed?  Of course not.
Finding the right person to ask brings us back to the importance of learning how to notice what works.  Anything you want — a better relationship, a better job, a smarter program for investing your money — is something some already does.  The trick is to find those people and figure out what they do right.  Many of us gravitate toward barroom wisdom.  We fine a sympathetic ear and expect that to translate to results.  It won’t unless the sympathy is matched by expertise and knowledge.”

3.  Create Value For the Person You’re Asking

People will be more likely to help you if you create value for them in some way, shape, or form.  Tony Robbins writes:
“Don’t just ask and expect someone to give you something.  Figure out how you can help them first.  If you’ve had a business idea and need money to pull it off, one way to do it is to find someone who can both help and benefit.  Show them how your idea can make money for you and for them as well.  Creating value directly doesn’t always have to that tangible.  The value you create may only be a feeling or a sensibility or a dream, but often that’s enough.  If you came up to me and said you needed $10,000, I’d probably say, ‘So do a lot of other people.’  If you said you needed the money to make a difference in people’s lives, I might begin to listen.  If you specifically showed me how you wanted to help others and create value for them and yourself, I might see how helping you could create value for me as well.”

4.  Ask with Focused, Congruent Belief

You have to be convincing.  If you don’t believe in what you’re asking for, why should anybody else.  Tony Robbins writes:
“The way to ensure failure is to convey ambivalence.  If you aren’t convinced about what you’re asking for, how can anyone else be?  So when you ask, do it with absolute conviction.  Express that in your words and your physiology.  Be able to show that you’re sure of what you want, you’re sure you’ll succeed, and you’re sure you will create value, not just for you but for the person you’re asking as well.”

5.  Ask Until You Get What You Want

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.  But change your approach, or who you’re asking.  Tony Robbins writes:
“That doesn’t mean asking the same person.  It doesn’t mean asking in precisely the same way.  Remember, the Ultimate Success Formula says you need to develop the sensory acuity to know what you’re getting, and you have to have the personal flexibility to change.  So when you ask, you have to change and adjust until you achieve what you want.  When you study the lives of successful people, you’ll find over and over again that they kept asking, kept trying, kept changing — because they knew that sooner or later they would find someone who could satisfy their needs.”

What’s the Hardest Part of the Formula?

The hardest part is getting specific.  Tony writes:
”What’s the hardest part of the formula?  For many people it’s the part about asking specifically.  We don’t live in a culture that puts a great premium on precise communication.  It may be one of our biggest cultural failings.  Language reflects a society’s needs.  An Eskimo has several dozen words for ‘snow.’  Why? Because to be an effective Eskimo, you have to be able to make fine distinctions between different kinds of snow.  There is snow you can fall through, snow you can build an igloo out of, snow you can run your gos in, snow you can eat, snow that’s ready to melt.  I’m in California.  I practically never see snow, so the one word I have for it is enough for me.”
So if you aren’t getting what you want, start asking more effectively keep trying until you succeed.

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Saturday 9 November 2013

Earn Money



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