Sunday 26 January 2014

50 Things to Let Go of Before Your Next Birthday

post written by: Angel Chernoff

50 Things to Let Go of Before Your Next Birthday
When the pain of holding on is worse than
the pain of letting go, it is time to let go.
In the fall of 2002, after a stressful day at work, I snapped at Marc and locked myself in our home office to work on a web application I had been coding on the side.  Marc’s grandmother, who was living with us at the time, knocked on the office door a few minutes later.  “What?” I screamed.  She didn’t answer.  When I opened the door in frustration, she smiled and said, “Honey, someday you will think it’s funny that you were so darn serious today.”
Boy was she right.  And now, every time I catch myself entering a bout of stress-induced irritability, I take a deep breath and do my best to let it GO.  Today, I encourage you to do the same.
Truth be told, today is the oldest you’ve ever been and the youngest you will ever be again.  It’s kind of scary, but it’s true.  If there was ever a perfect day to start letting go of the needless drama and stress that’s been holding you back, that day is today.  And since we often use our birthdays as mile markers to track our personal growth and accomplishments, I challenge you to this:
Before your next birthday …
  1. Let go of what isn’t helping your soul smile and grow. – Life is to be enjoyed, not endured.  Follow a path that moves you.  You are always free to do something that makes you smile.
  2. Let go of the baggage you know you need to leave behind. – As we grow older and wiser, we begin to realize what we need and what we need to leave behind.  Sometimes walking away is a step forward.
  3. Let go of feeling like you aren’t making progress fast enough. – No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.
  4. Let go of the idea that you have too much to lose. – In the end, you won’t regret the things you’ve done nearly as much as the things you didn’t do when you had the chance.  I’d rather have a life of “OH WELLS” than a life of “WHAT IFS.”  Wouldn’t you agree?
  5. Let go of worrying about everyone else’s opinions of your life. – When writing the story of your life, don’t let someone else hold the pen.
  6. Let go of your tendency to avoid problems. – You cannot change what you refuse to confront.
  7. Let go of all your empty complaints. – If you don’t like something, change it.  If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.
  8. Let go of the excuses. – If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way.  If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.
  9. Let go of lazy attitudes and routines. – You can’t underestimate a person who always works hard.  Be that person.  In life, you don’t get what you wish for; you get what you work for.  (Read The Power of Habit.)
  10. Let go of making the same mistakes over and over. – You can’t make the same mistake twice.  The second time you make it, it’s no longer a mistake, it’s a choice.
  11. Let go of the fantasy of perfection. – If you want to get really good at something, let go of the notion of perfection and replace it with the notion of endless playful exploration.
  12. Let go of believing the best is behind you. – Your life isn’t behind you; your memories are behind you.  Your life is always right here, right now.  Seize it!  Choose to let each of your experiences today be a gateway to an even brighter tomorrow.
  13. Let go of thinking you should always get what you want. – Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
  14. Let go of the notion that life is fair. – If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you’re fooling yourself.  That’s like expecting the lion not to eat you because you didn’t eat him.
  15. Let go of thinking others have it better than you. – Truthfully, nobody has it easy; everybody has issues.  If everybody threw their problems in a pile for you to see, you would likely grab yours back in a heartbeat.
  16. Let go of the expectations that are holding you back. – The quality of your life is always 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you respond to it.
  17. Let go of thinking there is a perfect time. – You can’t keep waiting for the perfect moment – it doesn’t exist.  You must dare to do it today because life is too short to wonder what could have been.
  18. Let go of the need to always feel comfortable. – If you want to make an impact, big or small, get comfortable with being uncomfortable.  All growth begins at the end of your comfort zone.
  19. Let go of thinking you have to know everything first. – You don’t have to have it all figured out to move forward.  Just do the best you can until you know better.  Once you know better, do better.
  20. Let go of the “all or nothing” mentality regarding success. – Appreciate the grey area between the extremes of success and failure – the journey, the experiences, etc.  And above all, never let success get to your head or failure get to your heart.
  21. Let go of your mistakes. – Don’t carry your mistakes around with you.  Instead, place them under your feet and use them as stepping stones.
  22. Let go of letting your daily struggles get the best of you. – Hard times often lead to greatness.  Keep the faith.  It will be worth it in the end.  The beginnings to great things are always the hardest.
  23. Let go of excessive worrying. – Worrying doesn’t take away tomorrow’s troubles, it takes away today’s peace and potential.  Stop over-thinking everything.  Life is too short.
  24. Let go of wanting stuff you don’t need. – Don’t think of cost.  Think of value.  And remember, it’s always easier to find wealth by needing less, instead of making more.
  25. Let go of your ungrateful thoughts. – Happiness never comes to those who don’t appreciate what they have.  So be thankful today.  Life isn’t perfect, it’s just pretty darn good.
  26. Let go of all your reasons to be unhappy. – Stop looking for reasons to be unhappy.  Focus on the things you do have and the reasons you should be happy.  Positivity changes everything.  (Read Buddha’s Brain.)
  27. Let go of any hypocrisy. – For instance, don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines.
  28. Let go of assuming other people are more “normal” than you. – The only normal people you know are the ones you don’t know very well.  Period.
  29. Let go of the emotions that often get the best of you. – Stay strong.  Even when it feels like things are falling apart, they’re not.  Take control of your emotions before they take control of you.
  30. Let go of your temper. – Never do something permanently foolish just because you are temporarily upset.
  31. Let go of ugly words. – Saying someone is ugly doesn’t make you any prettier.
  32. Let go of your superficial judgments. – We meet no ordinary people in our lives.  If you give them a chance, everyone has something amazing to offer.
  33. Let go of trying to change others. – For the most part, you can’t change people and you shouldn’t try.  Either you accept who they are or you choose to live without them.
  34. Let go of thinking you’re too cool to be kind. – It takes a great deal of strength to be gentle and kind.  And you are much stronger than you think.
  35. Let go of being “too busy” to SHOW your love. – Loyalty is hard to find.  Trust is easy to lose.  Actions speak louder than words.  Tell your loved ones you love them every day, and prove it.
  36. Let go of one-sided relationships. – If someone truly cares about you, they won’t make you feel like you need to constantly fight for their attention.
  37. Let go of those who have never been there for you. – Remember, it’s during the toughest times of your life that you’ll get to see the true colors of the people who say they care about you.
  38. Let go of negative influences. – You can’t expect to feel good if you surround yourself with negativity.  Be with those who bring out the best in you, not the stress in you.
  39. Let go of all self-hate. – Love yourself!  Forgive yourself!  Accept yourself!
  40. Let go of any lies you’ve heard that you aren’t attractive enough. – More women worldwide are suffering from anorexia and bulimia than are fighting breast cancer.  Love yourself the way you are.  You are already beautiful.
  41. Let go of trying to be someone else. – Someone will always be prettier.  Someone will always be smarter.  Someone will always be younger.  But they will never be YOU.  And that makes you powerful.
  42. Let go of the things people say about you. – Try not to take things other people say about you too personally.  What they think and say is a reflection of them, not you.
  43. Let go of the petty arguments. – You can’t change how people treat you or what they say about you.  All you can do is change how you react and who you choose to be around.
  44. Let go of putting everyone else’s needs in front of your own. – Give as much as you can, but don’t allow yourself to be used.  Listen to others closely, but don’t lose your own voice.  (Read The Road Less Traveled.)
  45. Let go of needing everyone to like you. – Everyone doesn’t need to like you.  But remember, just because some people don’t seem to care for you, doesn’t mean you should forget about everyone else who does.
  46. Let go of changing just to impress people. – Don’t ever change just to impress someone else.  Change because it makes you a better person and leads you to a brighter future.
  47. Let go of life’s little annoyances. – Don’t let dumb little things break your happiness.  True wealth is the ability to experience and appreciate each moment for what it’s worth.
  48. Let go of yesterday. – Don’t let yesterday steal your present.  Don’t judge yourself by your past; you don’t live there anymore.  Let go, grow, and move forward.
  49. Let go of thinking that giving up means failure. – Giving up and moving on are two very different things.
  50. Let go of the idea that it’s too late to start over. – Remember, it’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb than the top of the one you don’t.
(Note:  Obviously, if your birthday is tomorrow, or next week, pick a couple points to work on now, and make it a goal to complete the list by your next birthday.)

Afterthoughts

Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go, but rather learning to start over in certain areas of your life.  This is a challenge all of us face.  If you’re struggling with any of the points above, there is a clear path to the new beginning you seek.  Your present habits are simply broken and need to be mended.  When you trust a broken set of habits every day, it’s only a matter of time before you feel broken too.
It doesn’t have to be this way though.  You can make adjustments starting today that will instantly help you feel better, think more clearly, and live more effectively.

Your turn…

What’s the #1 thing you need to let go of before your next birthday?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts with us.
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Saturday 25 January 2014

8 Dangerous Things We Teach Each Other

post written by: Marc Chernoff

8 Dangerous Things We Teach Each Other
Be aware of the implied and menacing lessons society teaches.  To truly thrive in this world you’re going to have to unlearn and disregard some of the ludicrous advice people reflexively pass along to each other.
Here are eight dangerous pieces of advice you may have learned:

1.  There is a clear path that everyone should follow.

Your greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding in life at all the wrong things.
Choose a path that fits YOU.  Those who follow the crowd usually get lost in it.  Challenge yourself to ask with each and every step, each focus point that consumes your energy: “Does this thing I’m doing right now serve me and those I care about in the next few minutes, few months, and few years?”
Whatever you settle on, just make sure you don’t gain the whole world by losing your soul and purpose in the process.  Read The Untethered Soul.

2.  Success is a particular outcome or object that can be acquired.

Success is a consistent pattern of behavior more so than it is an isolated event.  It is the way you live rather than some object or outcome you acquire.  Success is yours when you persistently embody the discipline, integrity, attitude, and other attributes from which it is derived.
It is a mindset within you.  If you consider success to be something outside of you, that’s where it will always remain – somewhere else.  So in your thoughts, your words, your actions and your expectations, be the living embodiment of success, and whatever you touch will have the potential to be successful too.

3.  You need more to be happy.

You are doing just fine.  You don’t need any more or any less to be happy.
Life would be so different if you stopped allowing other people to dilute or poison your perception with their words and opinions.  Happiness is derived from the way you see your own life; it depends on your thoughts, not on what you have or what you do not have, or what other people think about what you have.  Read The How of Happiness.

4.  Rejection and criticism stifle growth.

No matter how good you are at something there will always be people who criticize your efforts.  And while it’s never a comfortable experience, the feelings of criticism and rejection can actually help you access your more creative self.  Free from the expectations of maintaining a status-quo that everyone is pleased with, you can push the limits of innovation and self expression.

5.  The future is what matters most.

Right now you are alive.  This moment is your life.  Today is too valuable to waste thinking of another time and place.
Your friends and family are too beautiful to ignore.  Take a moment to remember how fortunate you are to be breathing.  Take a look around, with your eyes earnestly open to the possibilities before you.  Much of what you fear does not exist.  Much of what you love is closer than you realize.  You are just one brief thought away from understanding the blessing that is your life.

6.  Big opportunities only come to a lucky few.

Big opportunities come to those who make the most of little opportunities.  Little opportunities are present in each moment and in every situation.
Today is filled with little opportunities.  Everywhere you look, there are small ways for you to make a positive difference.  In little bits of time that might otherwise be wasted, there is a piece of something larger waiting to be created.  String enough of these pieces together, and absolutely anything is within your reach.  You just need to decide what it is you want to achieve.  Read Secrets of the Millionaire Mind.

7.  All relationships should be held on to and nurtured.

Most people come into your life temporarily simply to teach you something.  They come and they go and they make a difference.  And it’s okay that they’re not in your life anymore.
Not all relationships last, but the lessons these relationships bring to you do.  If you learn to open your heart and mind, anyone, including the folks who eventually drive you crazy, can teach you something worthwhile.
Sometimes it will feel weird when you realize you spent so much time with someone you are no longer connected to, but that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.  You are exactly where you’re supposed to be.  We all are.

8.  The past is indicative of the future.

The mindset of your past being indicative of your future is hogwash.
Do not judge your failed attempts and mistakes as an indication of your future potential, but as part of your growth process.  Your past has given you the strength and wisdom you have today, so celebrate it and use the knowledge you’ve gained.  Don’t let it haunt you and hold you back.
Quite often, the successful people who act the happiest are the ones who have overcome the most.  Sometimes you have to lose something precious in order to gain something priceless.  So if you hit rock bottom, just think, you’ve got nothing to lose, everything to gain, and a solid foundation without expectations or obligations from which to rebuild your life.
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Wednesday 22 January 2014

7 Signs You’re Hanging With the Wrong Crowd

post written by: Marc Chernoff

7 Signs You Are Hanging With the Wrong Crowd
You will only ever be as great as the people you surround yourself with; so be brave enough to let go of those who keep bringing you down.
Your happiness and self-worth shouldn’t be entirely dependent on others.  But the truth is, personal relationships do have an influence on how you feel, and that includes how you feel about yourself.
An old college friend, Axel, and I grabbed some coffee this morning to catch up.  About halfway through our conversation he admitted to me that he was really stressed out.  The more I listened to his story, the more I realized that many of his relationships felt like a burden to him.  The people he had surrounded himself with weren’t supportive in the least.  But it was a burden to which he’d become so accustomed, he didn’t even know he’d been carrying it until he spoke to me and was able to lay down the heavy load for a while.  The pain of relationships that aren’t working are like a subtle background ache – we don’t notice how much they hurt because we’ve grown so used to the constant discomfort.
How have you been feeling lately?  How are your relationships going?  The two can be more intertwined than we often realize.  As soon as I suspected Axel’s relationships might be having an impact on his happiness and self-esteem, I asked him a question that really made him think:
What should a healthy relationship provide for the people in it?
Truth be told, life is way too wonderful and short to waste time with people who don’t treat you right.  So surround yourself with people who inspire you to smile.  People who help you up when you’re down.  People who would never take advantage of you.  People who are honest and genuinely care.  They are the ones worth keeping in your life.  Everyone else is just passing through.
If you feel like your relationships are bringing you down, here are some signs you may be hanging with the wrong crowd:

1.  They say you don’t have what it takes.

Never let someone’s opinion of you wash away your inner strength and spirit.  Never sacrifice who you are or what you aspire to be because someone else sees things differently.  Sometimes even those who you consider to be close confidants will carelessly crush your potential with smiles on their faces.  They will discredit your ideas, exhibiting zero emotional support, and try to persuade you to forget part of the person you are, along with the person you are capable of becoming.
It usually takes just a few negative comments to kill a person’s dream.  Don’t speak these negative comments to others, and don’t listen to those who do.  Don’t let people interrupt you and tell you that you can’t do something.  If you have a dream that you’re passionate about, you must protect it.  When others can’t do something themselves, they’re going to tell you that you can’t do it either; and that’s a lie.  These people are simply speaking from within the boundaries of their own limitations.
Don’t let weak minds convince you that you aren’t strong enough and smart enough.  You are.  Surround yourself with people who help strengthen you – those who see greatness in you, even when you don’t see it in yourself.

2.  They don’t support who YOU are.

We are all weird in some way.  What sets you apart may seem like a burden, but it’s not.  Most of the time it’s what makes you so incredible.
You need to know that everyone deserves love and respect without terms and conditions.  Everyone has a right to live their life the way they want.  Everyone has the right to be happy without feeling guilty.  No one has the right to hurt anyone.  No one deserves abuse of any kind.  No one is not good enough to be exactly who they are.  And yes, this includes YOU.
Always choose to be true to yourself, even at the risk of incurring ridicule from others, rather than being fake and incurring the pain and confusion of trying to live a lie.  It’s OK to do what you want to do.  It’s OK to be happy with yourself and the way you live your life.  It’s OK to say no to others and yes to your own desires.  There’s no better freedom than the freedom to be exactly who you are.  Give yourself that gift, and choose to surround yourself with those who appreciate your decision.

3.  They only respect you when you live their way.

Real friends (and family) meet in the middle.  When there’s a disagreement, they work out a solution that works for both parties – a compromise, rather than a need for the other person to change or completely give in.  If someone around you is all take and no give, you have to take a stand.
It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but just as much to stand up to the people closest to you.  Sometimes bullying comes from the most unlikely places.  Be conscious of how the people in your closest social circles treat you, and look out for the subtle jabs they throw.  When necessary, confront them.  Do whatever it takes to give yourself the opportunity to live authentically.
Exercise your inner genius.  Listen to your inner voice.  Try what you want to try, go where you want to go, and explore the depths of your own intuition.  Don’t accept false choices just because someone else doesn’t feel what you feel.  Don’t let others leash your dreams and your future.  If something feels right, it probably is.  Give yourself the fair chance you deserve.  You CAN, so don’t listen to anyone who says you can’t.  Do anything you want as long as it’s not hurting others.  Don’t take crap; you deserve better.

4.  They create and thrive on negativity.

It isn’t easy to remain positive when negativity surrounds you, but remember that you have full control over your attitude.  Think of it this way: An entire body of water the size of the Pacific Ocean can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship.  Similarly, all the negativity in the world can’t bring you down unless you allow it to get inside your head.
This is your life.  You may not be able to control all the things people do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.  You can decide not to let their actions and opinions invade your heart and mind.  And above all, you can decide whom to walk beside into tomorrow, and whom to leave behind today.  (Read Emotional Vampires.)

5.  They condone your self-abuse.

Always keep in mind, first and foremost, that you have to treat yourself the way you want others to treat you.  The amount of abuse you tolerate in your relationships is often equal to the amount of abuse you heap on yourself.  If you are used to telling yourself that you’re ugly, that you are destined to fail, and that you’re not capable of performing in the world without someone holding your hand, then you will accept and feel most comfortable in relationships with people who reinforce these same negative beliefs.
This is precisely why you need people in your life who truly know and love you – true friends and family – people who see the pain in your eyes while everyone else still believes the empty smile on your face.  In other words, don’t look for people who will solve all your problems; look for those special few who will sit down and face them with you.

6.  They make you feel unattractive.

Sadly, we’re taught to believe that miniature waists and perfect tans are beautiful.  We’re made to believe that blonde hair with blue eyes will win every time.  But the truth is, originality is beautiful.  Big brown eyes, green eyes, blue eyes alike.  Curves, and lots of them.  Your natural skin tone is beautiful.  Your hair color and your smile.  Your voice, your laugh, and your personality.  Every inch of you that shines with your unique essence…
You are truly beautiful just the way you are.  If someone close to you says otherwise, they aren’t as close to you as you think.  Period.  (Read Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It.)

7.  They aren’t there for you when you need them most.

Surround yourself with those who believe in you, encourage you, and are willing to support you when it rains, not just when it shines.  It’s during the toughest times of your life that you’ll get to see the true colors of the people who say they care about you.  So don’t make too much time for people who rarely make time for you, or who only make time for you when it’s convenient for them.  Know your worth.
And remember, relationships are rarely 50/50 at any given instant in time.  You can’t always feel 100%, or a full 50% of a relationship’s whole – life simply is too unpredictable for that.  So on the days when you can only give 20%, the other person must give 80%, and vice versa.  It’s never been about balancing steady in the middle, healthy relationships are about two people who are willing to make adjustments for each other in real time as needed, and give more when the other person can’t help but give a little less.

Afterthoughts

It’s not always where you are in life, but who you have by your side that matters.  Some people drain you and others provide soul food.  Don’t jeopardize your dignity and self-respect by trying to make someone accept, love and appreciate you when they have proven that they are incapable of doing so.
When you leave the wrong people behind, the right things start happening.  What would happen if you surrounded yourself with people who made you better?  What would happen if you started spending time with the RIGHT crowd?
Think about it.

Your turn…

What would you add to the list?  What’s one clear sign you might be hanging with the wrong crowd?  Please leave a comment below and let us know.
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Tuesday 21 January 2014

10 Choices You Will Regret in 10 Years

post written by: Angel Chernoff


10 Decisions You Will Regret in 10 Years
“If only…”  These two words paired together create one of the saddest phrases in the English language.
Here are ten choices that ultimately lead to this phrase of regret, and how to elude them:
  1. Wearing a mask to impress others. – If the face you always show the world is a mask, someday there will be nothing beneath it.  Because when you spend too much time concentrating on everyone else’s perception of you, or who everyone else wants you to be, you eventually forget who you really are.  So don’t fear the judgments of others; you know in your heart who you are and what’s true to you.  You don’t have to be perfect to impress and inspire people.  Let them be impressed and inspired by how you deal with your imperfections.
  2. Letting someone else create your dreams for you. – The greatest challenge in life is discovering who you are; the second greatest is being happy with what you find.  A big part of this is your decision to stay true to your own goals and dreams.  Do you have people who disagree with you?  Good.  It means you’re standing your ground and walking your own path.  Sometimes you’ll do things considered crazy by others, but when you catch yourself excitedly losing track of time, that’s when you’ll know you’re doing the right thing.  Read The 4-Hour Workweek.
  3. Keeping negative company. – Don’t let someone who has a bad attitude give it to you.  Don’t let them get to you.  They can’t pull the trigger if you don’t hand them the gun.  When you remember that keeping the company of negative people is a choice, instead of an obligation, you free yourself to keep the company of compassion instead of anger, generosity instead of greed, and patience instead of anxiety.
  4. Being selfish and egotistical. – A life filled with loving deeds and good character is the best tombstone.  Those who you inspired and shared your love with will remember how you made them feel long after your time has expired.  So carve your name on hearts, not stone.  What you have done for yourself alone dies with you; what you have done for others and the world remains.
  5. Avoiding change and growth. – If you want to know your past look into your present conditions.  If you want to know your future look into your present actions.  You must let go of the old to make way for the new; the old way is gone, never to come back.  If you acknowledge this right now and take steps to address it, you will position yourself for lasting success.  Read The Power of Habit.
  6. Giving up when the going gets tough. – There are no failures, just results.  Even if things don’t unfold the way you had expected, don’t be disheartened or give up.  Learn what you can and move on.  The one who continues to advance one step at a time will win in the end.  Because the battle is always won far away and long before the final victory.  It’s a process that occurs with small steps, decisions, and actions that gradually build upon each other and eventually lead to that glorious moment of triumph.
  7. Trying to micromanage every little thing. – Life should be touched, not strangled.  Sometimes you’ve got to relax and let life happen without incessant worry and micromanagement.  Learn to let go a little before you squeeze too tight.  Take a deep breath.  When the dust settles and you can once again see the forest for the trees, take the next step forward.  You don’t have to know exactly where you’re going to be headed somewhere great.  Everything in life is in perfect order whether you understand it yet or not.  It just takes some time to connect all the dots.
  8. Settling for less than you deserve. – Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.  Sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been to stand up taller than you ever were before.  Sometimes your eyes need to be washed by your tears so you can see the possibilities in front of you with a clearer vision again.  Don’t settle.
  9. Endlessly waiting until tomorrow. – The trouble is, you always think you have more time than you do.  But one day you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to work on the things you’ve always wanted to do.  And at that point you either will have achieved the goals you set for yourself, or you will have a list of excuses for why you haven’t.  Read The Last Lecture.
  10. Being lazy and wishy-washy. – The world doesn’t owe you anything, you owe the world something.  So stop daydreaming and start DOING.  Develop a backbone, not a wishbone.  Take full responsibility for your life – take control.  You are important and you are needed.  It’s too late to sit around and wait for somebody to do something someday.  Someday is now; the somebody the world needs is YOU.
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Sunday 19 January 2014

9 Ways to Never Regret Another Day of Your Life

post written by: Angel Chernoff

9 Ways to Never Regret Another Day of Your Life
“If only…”  These two little words paired together
create one of the saddest phrases imaginable.
You really have to make your journey count every single day, because the distance we each get to travel is a mystery.  One day, hopefully many moons from now, you will inevitably find yourself close to the end, and thinking about the beginning.  TODAY is that beginning.  TODAY is life.  Right now you have a priceless opportunity!  Forget the past.  Forget your age.  Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  At the end of it, let there be no excuses, no explanations, and no regrets.
Here are nine ideas to get you there…

1.  Be the leader of your own journey.

Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?  Stop living for other people and their opinions.  Be true to YOU.
There are far too many capable people who don’t pursue their dreams and goals because they let their fears and others talk them out of it.  They give up before they even try, and simply let life’s river flow them downstream.  Choose to be stronger than that.  Choose to swim upstream when you have to.  Choose to do the things in life that move you.  Let others lead small lives.  Let others argue over small things.  Let others cry over small wounds.  Let others leave their future in someone else’s hands.  But not YOU.

2.  Take calculated risks.

There is no excuse for being an amateur forever.  Life is short.  The day is rapidly approaching when the risk to remain perched in your nest is far more detrimental than the risk it takes to fly.  Fly!  Spread your wings.  Start now.  What a disgrace it would be for you to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of your full potential.
You don’t have to have it all figured out to move forward.  Just do the best you can until you know better.  Once you know better, do better.  (Read Start: Punch Fear in the Face.)

3.  Think you CAN.

If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you.  And change breeds growth.  So when a goal seems big and a plan looks tough, just start, push through it for awhile, and soon the next thing you need to do will look possible.  Step by step you can get through anything – this is the truth and you have to believe it.  In the end, you’re going to succeed because you’re crazy enough to think you can.

4.  Find the courage every day to take another step.

You will trip and you will fall, you will make mistakes and you will fail, but you have to stand strong through it all.  You live and you learn.  You’re human, not perfect.  You’ve been wounded, not defeated.  Think of what a priceless gift it is to grow through these experiences – to breathe, to think, to struggle, and to overcome challenges in the pursuit of the things you love.  Yes, sometimes you will encounter heartache along the way, but that’s a small price to pay for immeasurable moments of love and joy.  Which is why you must keep stepping forward even when it hurts, because you know the inner strength that has carried you this far can carry you the rest of the way.

5.  Let the disappointments GO!

We grew up building invisible fences from our bad experiences.  But we don’t have to be contained and defined by the things we did or didn’t do in our past.  Some people allow themselves to be controlled by regret.  Maybe it’s a regret, maybe it’s not.  It’s merely something that happened or didn’t happen – an optimistic expectation that got the best of you.  Accept the fact that life is not perfect, that people are not perfect, that you are not perfect, and that there are all sorts of things in this world that will disappoint you.  But most importantly, realize that, just because things didn’t turn out like you expected, doesn’t mean they can’t be better than you imagined.  (Read The Untethered Soul.)

6.  Ignore your fantasies of other times and places.

We all want pretty much the same thing in life.  We want to be happy.  But sadly, so many of us think it lies outside ourselves.  When we’re young we think our happiness lies somewhere in the future, tied to future relationships and activities.  When we’re old we believe our happiness rests in the past, tied to memories of what is already gone.  Both of these beliefs are false.  Happiness can only ever be found right where you are now.
Life is too short to spend at war with yourself.  Letting go of illusions of the past and future is your greatest step to happiness and a life free of regret.  In this moment, there is plenty to smile about.  In this moment, you are precisely as you should be.  In this moment, infinite possibility awaits.  Don’t waste it worrying about what isn’t.

7.  Look at what you have, instead of what you have lost.

The primary cause of unhappiness is never your situation, but your thoughts about it.  And the primary cause of regret is looking back at everything these negative thoughts prevented you from doing.
Truth be told, a day without laughter and positive action is a day wasted.  Even if things aren’t perfect, today is filled with little opportunities.  Everywhere you look, there are small ways for you to make a positive difference.  In little bits of time that might otherwise be wasted, there is a piece of something larger waiting to be created.  String enough of these pieces together, and absolutely anything is within your reach.  You just need to decide what it is you want to achieve.

8.  Share your love openly and honestly with those you love.

No matter what, you’re going to lose people in your life.  Realize that no matter how much time you spend with someone, or how much you appreciate them, sometimes it will never seem like you had enough time together.  Don’t learn this lesson the hard way.  Express your love.  Tell people what you need to tell them.  Don’t shy away from important conversations because you feel awkward or uncomfortable.  You never know when you might lose your opportunity. 

9.  Say “goodbye” so you can say “hello.”

In life, goodbyes are a gift.  When certain people walk away from you, and certain opportunities close their doors on you, there is no need to hold onto them or pray to keep them present in your life.  If they close you out, take it as a direct indication that these people, circumstances and opportunities are not part of the plan for the next step of your life.  It’s a hint that your personal growth requires someone different and something more, and life is simply making room.  So embrace your goodbyes, because every “goodbye” you receive sets you up for an even better “hello.”

The floor is yours…

What do you NOT want to regret someday?  What’s something positive you can do today to help avoid this regret?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Photo by: Ewen Roberts

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Wednesday 15 January 2014

10 Places Unhappy People Search for Happiness


post written by: Marc Chernoff

10 Places Unhappy People Search for Happiness
“I’ve got nothing to do today but smile.”
―Paul Simon
This past holiday season Angel and I stayed at a hotel near her parent’s house in South Florida.  On Christmas Eve we met a family of six who were staying at the same hotel.  We saw them relaxing in the lobby by the Christmas tree, sharing stories and laughing.  So on our way out, Angel and I wished them a happy holiday season and asked them where they were from.  “Oh, we’re from here,” the mother said.  “Our house burned down to the ground yesterday, but miraculously, all of us made it out safely.  And that makes this a very merry Christmas.”
Her words and her family’s optimistic attitude made me smile.  They reminded me that the most fulfilling moments in life come when we finally find the courage to let go of what we can’t change.  And that when life gives us every reason to be negative, we must think of one good reason to be positive, because there’s always something worth smiling about.
Truth be told, when people are perpetually unhappy it’s often because they are looking for happiness…

1.  In the fantasy of an easy life.

Life is tough, but you are tougher.  Pain makes you stronger.  Facing fear makes you braver.  Mistakes and heartbreak make you wiser.   Sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right.  Sometimes you have to go through the worst, to arrive at your best.
Your journey isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s supposed to be worth it.  To never struggle is to never grow.  It doesn’t matter what’s happened or what you’ve done; what matters is what you choose to do from here.  Accept the circumstances, learn from them, and move on.  Letting go is often a step forward.  Sometimes you have to walk away from what you thought you wanted to find what you truly need and deserve.

2.  In a past that no longer exists.

You are changing.  The universe around you is changing.  Just because something was right for you in the past doesn’t mean it still is.  This could be a relationship, a job, a home, a habit, etc.  Giving things up doesn’t always mean you’re weak; it may simply mean you’re strong enough and smart enough to let go of the old to make way for the new.  Don’t stress about the closed doors behind you.  New doors are opening every moment and you will see them if you keep moving forward. As the Dalai Lama once said, “A new way of thinking has become the necessary condition for responsible living and acting.  If we maintain obsolete values and beliefs, a fragmented consciousness and self-centered spirit, we will continue to hold onto outdated goals and behaviors.” (Read Buddha’s Brain.)

3.  In a future that isn’t guaranteed.

Too often we spend our energy stuck in the maze of life, thinking about how we’ll escape one day, and how amazing it will be.  And imagining a future like this keeps us going, or so it seems.  But we never escape.  We simply use thoughts of the future to escape the present, over and over again, until we’ve reached the end of our lives without ever having truly lived.
Mahatma Gandhi once said, “The future depends on what you do today.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  Do something today!  You can’t stop the future.  You can’t rewind the past.  The only way to live is to press play.  Go ahead and press play!  The clock is ticking – the hours are going by.  The past increases and the future recedes, possibilities decreasing and regrets mounting… but only if you hesitate to accept and enjoy your life right now while you’re living it.

4.  In their own excuses for procrastinating.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to stop saying “I wish,” start saying “I will,” and then go do something about it.  The world isn’t going to dominate itself.  You just have to wake up one morning and decide that you don’t want to feel like this anymore, ever again.  And then make a change, just like that.
In all walks of life, luck happens when preparation meets opportunity.  And opportunity dances only with those who are already on the dance floor.
If something doesn’t have space in your day, it probably won’t happen in your life.  Knowing isn’t enough; you must apply.  Willing isn’t enough; you must DO.  If all you can do right now is a little bit, do it.  Those little bits will add up quickly.  Value that is built over time, in small increments, tends to be value that also lasts for a long time.  Doing something, even if it is just a little bit, is infinitely more productive than doing nothing.

5.  In their super comfy comfort zone.

You may feel comfortable bobbing around in the little lake that you’re used to, but if you don’t stretch your comfort zone and venture out into the adjoining waterways, you’ll never discover the beauty and immensity of the ocean – you will never even know it exists.  Holding on to what’s comfortable may be the very reason you often feel like something is missing in your life.
Remember, just because you venture out into the world doesn’t mean you can’t return home whenever you want to.  It’s okay to come back to where you started, but it’s NOT OKAY to never leave.

6.  In material possessions they don’t need.

You can never, ever get enough of what you do NOT need to make you happy.  Think about it.  It’s nice to have money and the things that money can buy, but it’s also important to make sure you haven’t lost track of the priceless things money can’t buy.  You don’t need a lot of money to lead a rich life.  Good friends and a loving family are worth their weight in gold.  It really is the little things that mean the most… like a long hug at just the right time.
Instead of focusing so intently on what you want to get, consider the things you can let go of.  Eliminate some excess baggage, lighten your load and feel a weight lifted.  So many of the things you think you need you do not need at all, you simply want them.  And as your wants diminish, your freedom and abundance grow.  Challenge your impulses, and free yourself of needless needs.

7.  In waaaay too much of one good thing.

As Oscar Wilde once said, “Everything in moderation, including moderation.”
Eating too much makes you obese.  Spending too much money makes you broke.  Working too much leaves your family at home missing you.  Playing too much leaves important work undone…  and so on and so forth.
Happiness depends on the proper distribution of applying your positive resources consciously to the hungry deficits in your life.  All details aside, the important thing to remember is this:  Long-term happiness is never found in one good thing; it is a combination, it is a balanced lifestyle.

8.  In the wrong relationships.

Know that it’s less important to have more relationships and more important to have quality ones.  Spend time with people who make you better.  Surround yourself with those who are going to lift you higher.  You will only ever be as great as the people you surround yourself with, so be brave enough to let go of those who keep bringing you down.  Find people who respect you as much as you respect them.  Nurture your relationships only with those who are happy and proud to have you in their lives.
You deserve it.  Don’t settle.

9.  In the endorsements of those who don’t matter.

Keep up your dignity and always be true to yourself.  You can’t let other people tell you who you are.  You have to decide that for yourself.
There will always be people who don’t approve of you – the way you look, the way you talk, the things you care about, the styles you like, the music you listen to, etc.  But the truth is these people’s opinions don’t matter one bit.  It’s up to you if you let them ruin your day, or if you decide to stand up for yourself and accept yourself just the way you are.  Just be sincere and do your best.  And if it’s not good enough for someone, it will surely be for someone else.  You’re not here to please everyone.  Be nice, be yourself, and the right people will eventually find you.

10.  In the blame game.

Sigmund Freud once said, “Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.”  Don’t let this be you.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you surrender full power over that part of your life.
In reality, the price of happiness and greatness IS responsibility.  And no one else is responsible for you.  You are in full control of your life so long as you claim it and own it.  Through the grapevine, you may have learned that you should blame your parents, your teachers, your mentors, the public education system, the government, etc., but never to blame yourself.  Right?  It’s never, ever your fault… WRONG!  It’s always your fault, because if you want to change – if you want to grow and move on with your life – the only person who can make it happen is YOU.

The floor is yours…

When it comes to finding happiness, where do some people make a wrong turn?  Where else can happiness NOT be found?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Photo by: Noukka Signe

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Real Friends Never Grow Apart

post written by: Marc Chernoff

Real Friends Never Grow ApartI spent 4 hours chatting with my grandmother in-law last night.  She’s 79 years old and chock full of 79 years worth of wisdom and life stories.  One of the stories she told me really grabbed my attention.  It was about the power of true friendship and why real friends always maintain a unique connection even in each other’s prolonged absence.  The story went something like this…
I grew up in Jamaica Plain, an urban community located on the outskirts of Boston, Massachusetts.  In the 1940’s it was a wholesome, quaint little community.  It was my home and I loved it there, back then I thought I would never leave.  My best friend Rose and I used to collectively dream about raising a family of our own someday.  We had it all planned out to live next door to one another.
Our dream remained alive through grade school, high school, and even beyond.  Rose was my maid of honor when I got married in 1953 to the love of my life, Dick.  Even then she joked that she was just one perfect guy short of being married, thus bringing us closer to our dream.  Meanwhile, Dick aspired to be an Officer in the Marines and I fully supported his ambitions.  I realized that he might be stationed far away from Jamaica Plain, but I told him I would relocate and adjust.  The idea of experiencing new places together seemed somewhat romantic to me.

So, in 1955 Dick was stationed in Alaska and we relocated.  Rose was sad to see me leave, but wished me the best of luck.  Rose and I remained in touch for a few years via periodic phone calls, but after awhile we lost track of one another.  Back in the 1950’s it was a lot more difficult to stay in touch with someone over a long distance, especially if you were relocating every few years.  There were no email addresses or transferable phone numbers, and directory lookup services were mediocre at best.
I thought of her several times over the years.  Once in the mid 1960’s when I was visiting the Greater Boston area I tried to determine her whereabouts, but my search turned up empty handed.  Jamaica Plain had changed drastically in the 10 years I was gone.  A pretty obvious shift in income demographics was affecting my old neighborhood.  My family had moved out of the area, as did many of the people I used to know.  Rose was nowhere to be found.
52 years passed and we never spoke.  I’ve since raised a family of 5, all of whom now have families of their own, and Dick passed away a few years ago… God rest his soul.  Basically, a lifetime has passed.  Now here I am at the doorstep to my 80th birthday and I receive a random phone call on an idle Wednesday afternoon.  “Hello”, I said.  “Hi Natalie, its Rose.” the voice on the other end replied.  “It’s been so long.  I don’t know if you remember me, but we used to be best friends in Jamaica Plain when we were kids.” she said.
We haven’t seen each other yet, but we have spent countless hours on the phone catching up on 52 years of our lives.  The interesting thing is that even after 52 years of separation our personalities and interests are still extremely similar.  We both share a passion for several hobbies that we each picked up independently several years after we lost touch with one another.  It almost feels like we are picking up right where we left off, which is really strange considering the circumstances.
Her husband passed away a few years ago as well, but she mailed me several photographs of her family that were taken over the years.  It’s so crazy, just looking that the photos and listening to her describe her family reminds me of my own; a reasonably large, healthy family.  Part of me feels like we led fairly similar lives.
I don’t think the numerous similarities between our two lives are a coincidence either.  I think it shows that we didn’t just call each other best friends, we truly were best friends, and even now we can be best friends again.  Real friends have 2 things in common: a compatible personality and a strong-willed character.  The compatible personality is what initiates the connection between 2 people and a strong-willed character at both ends is what maintains the connection.  If those 2 ingredients are present in a friendship, the friendship is for real, and can thus sustain the tests of time and prolonged absence without faltering.

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Tuesday 14 January 2014

10 Things Happy Families Do Differently


post written by: Marc Chernof

10 Things Happy Families Do Differently
“I sustain myself with the love of family.”
―Maya Angelou
Last night, an old friend from high school – a hometown success story and entrepreneur who owns and operates a large publicly traded company – a man whom I have a great deal of respect for – came over to our home for dinner.  After a delicious meal, he and I chatted for a couple hours in the family room and caught up on old times.  And as we wrapped things up, he said, “I admire you.  I admire the love in this home – the obvious love between you and Angel.  I admire the close relationships you’ve built and nurtured.  When I’m here it feels like I’m part of the family.  Nurturing a happy family is one of the things I never got around to.  So it was great to see it, feel it, and be a part of it tonight.  Thank you.”
When I sat down to write this morning, my friend’s remarks immediately came to mind.  Which got me thinking…  What does nurturing a happy family really mean?  What are some things happy families do differently?
Here are some thoughts to consider:

1.  Every day, every member chooses to be part of the family.

First and foremost, family isn’t always blood.  They’re the people in your life who appreciate having you in theirs – the ones who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways, and who not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be.  Family members can be your best friends.  And best friends, whether or not they’re related to you by blood, can be your family.
Family is built with love; it’s not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and formal adoption documents.  Families grow from the heart, through mutual love and respect.  The only time family becomes nullified is when the ties in the heart are cut.  If you cut the ties, these people are not your family.  If you build the ties, these people are your family.  So build and maintain ties with the right people and nurture them with love every day.

2.  Family members go out of their way for each other.

Family bonds are tied with true love, and true love involves attention, awareness, discipline, effort, and being able to care about someone and sacrifice for them, continuously, in countless petty little unsexy ways, every day.  You put your armsaround them and love them regardless, even when they’re not very lovable.  And of course they do the same for you.
If you want to know what a healthy family is, it’s one where each family member wakes up every morning and says, “This is worth it.  You all are worth it.  I am happy you are in my life.”  It’s about sacrifice.  It’s about knowing that some days you will have to do things you dislike to make the people you love smile, and feeling perfectly delighted to do so.  That’s what it means to “be family.”

3.  Family sticks together through thick and thin.

“Being family” is also about supporting each other through life’s inevitable changes.  It’s knowing that your family will be there watching out for you through thick and thin.  Nothing and no one else will give you that.  Not your career.  Not your boss.  Not your clients.  Not money.  Not fame.
You can’t promise to be there for someone for the rest of their life, but you can sincerely be there for them for the rest of yours.  Stand by those you care about in their darkest moments, not because you want to stand in the dark, but because you don’t want them to either.  Brave the shadows alongside them until they’re able to find the light.  On the flip-side, stand by these same people on their sunniest days, not because you want to scorch your skin, but because you’re not afraid to let them shine bright.
And remember, timing is everything.  There is a time for silence, a time to let go and allow your loved ones to launch themselves into their own destiny, and a time to cheer for their victories, or help them pick up the pieces, when it’s all over.

4.  Everyone is permitted to be true to themselves.

The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated as is.  Sometimes we try to be sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image of what we want them to be – what we think we need, love, or desire.  But these actions and perceptions are against reality, against their benefit and ours, and always end in disappointment – because it does not fit them.
Remember, the foundation of love is to let those we care about be unapologetically themselves, and to not distort them to fit our own egotistical ideas of who they should be.  Otherwise we love only our own fantasies, and thus miss out entirely on their true beauty.

5.  Everyone takes responsibility for their own happiness.

Happiness is a choice that comes from within.  Being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect, it means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.  There are choices you can make every day to feel the effects of happiness.  Choose to do something meaningful.  Choose to take care of your body.  Choose to be around the right people.  Choose a good attitude.  Choose to express gratitude.  Choose to forgive.  Choose to focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t.
Begin today by taking responsibility for your own happiness.  The choice is yours.  Your family can support you, but they can’t choose happiness for you.  (Read Hardwiring Happiness.)

6.  Caring words are used to communicate, always.

You can measure the happiness of any close relationship by the number of scars that each member carries on their tongues and inner cheeks, formed over many years of biting back angry and insensitive words.
Bottom line:  Be careful what you say.  You can say something unkind in less than one second, but more than a year later the wounds are still there.  Don’t do this to your family, or anyone for that matter.  Every time words are spoken, something is created.  Be honest, but also conscious of what you say and how you say it.  Use words that build up, appreciate, encourage and inspire.

7.  The truth is upheld and promises are kept.

Cheating and lying aren’t struggles, they’re reasons families break up.  Because great things fall apart quite easily when they’ve been held together with lies.
The truth is, relationships don’t hurt.  Lying, cheating and twisting reality until it toys with someone’s emotions is what hurts.  Promises mean everything, but after they’re broken, sorry means nothing (at least initially).  So never mess with someone’s feelings just because you’re unsure of your own.  If you are unsure in any way, be sure to say so.  Always be open and honest.  And remember that when the truth is replaced by silence, silence becomes a lie too.

8.  Everyone makes QUALITY time for each other.

Here’s a harsh reality of life:  Regardless of the quality of your relationships with your parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, or close friends, you will miss them when they’re gone from your life.  And someday they will be.
You have to set aside quality time to share your love openly and honestly with those you love.  Realize that no matter how much time you spend with someone you care about, or how much you appreciate them, sometimes it will never seem like you had enough time together.  Don’t learn this lesson the hard way.  Express your love.  Tell your family what you need to tell them.  Don’t shy away from important conversations because you feel awkward or uncomfortable.  You never know when you might lose your opportunity.
So stay in close touch with what’s going on in your loved ones’ lives – communicate openly on a regular basis.  Not because it’s convenient, but because they are worth the extra effort.

9.  Presence is held sacred.

The greatest path to positive influence in any relationship is love.  And the greatest path to love is full acceptance within the present moment – allowing everything to be as it is, without hoping or trying to change things.
Presence is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in the “now.”  It’s about knowing that you must first attend to the reality of the moment before you can effectively contribute anything positive to it.  Practicing presence brings a sense of perspective and purpose to our lives, and opens the doorway to love others as they are.
Being completely present with someone is difficult, however, because it requires you to share yourself completely, vulnerabilities and all, and enter moments of unguarded honesty with this person.  And this person may hurt you, and you may hurt them too.  Yes, you will hurt each other sometimes.  But this is the very condition of full presence.  To become summer, means accepting the risk of winter.  To become present, means accepting the risk of absence.  (Read The Power of Now.)

10.  Patience and forgiveness are practiced daily.

No matter how honest and kind you try to be, you will occasionally step on the toes of the people closest to you.  And this is precisely why patience and forgiveness are so vital.  Patience is the ability to let your light shine on those you love, even after your fuse has blown.  And forgiveness is knowing deep down that they didn’t mean to blow your fuse in the first place.
Patience and forgiveness can be bitter at first, but the seeds you plant now will bear sweet fruit in the end.

The floor is yours…

In your experience, what helps create happy relationships and strong family ties?  Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts with the community.
Photo by: Milivoj Sherrington

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Saturday 11 January 2014

2 Ingredients of Success

Success requires two ingredients: passion and determination.
 If you have one and not the other, it is hard for you to attain success. Say if you have passion but no determination to make your dreams a reality, then you can easily end up years later wondering what may have been. On the other hand, if you have determination and no passion, you can still be successful but you will find life fulfilling. It can be that you have sold your soul to do the work that you do. Hardly a way to live life!

Passion is a strong emotion that happens when you have certain ideals and dreams. When you actively work towards your dream, you feel intrinsically rewarded. Even if the going gets tough, you are inspired enough to face up to the challenges. When you have no passion, and the going gets tough, you are more likely to give up what you are doing.

Few people experience overnight successes. Those who are successful tend to become so, only after years of pursuing their passion with determination.The great boxer, Muhammad Ali put this aptly "The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses - behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights."

To build a life around your passion is ideal. Think about those who have done so and how much you envy them and wish that you are in their shoes. You also notice that these people tend to be much happier, and also are generally financially abundant. They are rewarded for plucking up the courage to do what is important to them.

Hence, to build a life that matters to you, you have to determine what your passion is. What is it that will truly make your life a difference? Do you have a particular interest that speaks to you more than all the rest? When you have identified your passion, ask yourself how badly you want to make it happen.

Although you have a passion, you may think that it is not worth the time and effort to pursue it. However, if you do, then make a commitment and put in your hundred percent effort.

You may think that pursuing your passion means having to give up what you are currently doing. It may not always be the case. Think creatively how you can put to use what you have achieved so far. Leverage on past efforts so that you can quickly bring in the income to support your dreams.

The more determined you are, the more successful you will be. You do not have to start with a big bang but it is important to take that step in alignment with your passion. Learn to pick yourself up in the face of difficult times. Have the will-power to keep going until you achieve your goal.

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Thursday 9 January 2014

8 Things to Remember When Everything Goes Wrong


post written by: Marc Chernoff

8 Things to Remember When Everything Goes Wrong
“The best way out is always through.”
―Robert Frost
“Today, I’m sitting in my hospital bed waiting to have both my breasts removed.  But in a strange way I feel like the lucky one.  Up until now I have had no health problems.  I’m a 69-year-old woman in the last room at the end of the hall before the pediatric division of the hospital begins.  Over the past few hours I have watched dozens of cancer patients being wheeled by in wheelchairs and rolling beds.  None of these patients could be a day older than 17.”
That’s an entry from my grandmother’s journal, dated 9/16/1977.  I photocopied it and pinned it to my bulletin board about a decade ago.  It’s still there today, and it continues to remind me that there is always, always, always something to be thankful for.  And that no matter how good or bad I have it, I must wake up each day thankful for my life, because someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.
Truth be told, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them.  Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles.  Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost.  Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left.
Here are a few reminders to help motivate you when you need it most:

1.  Pain is part of growing.

Sometimes life closes doors because it’s time to move forward.  And that’s a good thing because we often won’t move unless circumstances force us to.  When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose.  Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you.  Just because you’restruggling doesn’t mean you’re failing.  Every great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there.  Good things take time.  Stay patient and stay positive.  Everything is going to come together; maybe not immediately, but eventually.
Remember that there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you.  When you roll with life, instead of resisting it, both kinds help you grow.

2.  Everything in life is temporary.

Every time it rains, it stops raining.  Every time you get hurt, you heal.  After darkness there is always light – you are reminded of this every morning, but still you often forget, and instead choose to believe that the night will last forever.  It won’t.  Nothing lasts forever.
So if things are good right now, enjoy it.  It won’t last forever.  If things are bad, don’t worry because it won’t last forever either.  Just because life isn’t easy at the moment, doesn’t mean you can’t laugh.  Just because something is bothering you, doesn’t mean you can’t smile.  Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending.  You get a second chance, every second.  You just have to take it and make the best of it.  (Read The Last Lecture.)

3.  Worrying and complaining changes nothing.

Those who complain the most, accomplish the least.  It’s always better to attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed.  It’s not over if you’ve lost; it’s over when you do nothing but complain about it.  If you believe in something, keep trying.  Don’t let the shadows of the past darken the doorstep of your future.  Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any brighter.  Take action instead.  Let what you’ve learned improve how you live.  Make a change and never look back.
And regardless of what happens in the long run, remember that true happiness begins to arrive only when you stop complaining about your problems and you start being grateful for all the problems you don’t have.

4.  Your scars are symbols of your strength.

Don’t ever be ashamed of the scars life has left you with.  A scar means the hurt is over and the wound is closed.  It means you conquered the pain, learned a lesson, grew stronger, and moved forward.  A scar is the tattoo of a triumph to be proud of.  Don’t allow your scars to hold you hostage.  Don’t allow them to make you live your life in fear.  You can’t make the scars in your life disappear, but you can change the way you see them.  You can start seeing your scars as a sign of strength and not pain.
Rumi once said, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most powerful characters in this great world are seared with scars.  See your scars as a sign of “YES!  I MADE IT!  I survived and I have my scars to prove it!  And now I have a chance to grow even stronger.”

5.  Every little struggle is a step forward.

In life, patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard on your dreams, knowing that the work is worth it.  So if you’re going to try, put in the time and go all the way.  Otherwise, there’s no point in starting.  This could mean losing stability and comfort for a while, and maybe even your mind on occasion.  It could mean not eating what, or sleeping where, you’re used to, for weeks on end.  It could mean stretching your comfort zone so thin it gives you a nonstop case of the chills.  It could mean sacrificing relationships and all that’s familiar.  It could mean accepting ridicule from your peers.  It could mean lots of time alone in solitude.  Solitude, though, is the gift that makes great things possible.  It gives you the space you need.  Everything else is a test of your determination, of how much you really want it.
And if you want it, you’ll do it, despite failure and rejection and the odds.  And every step will feel better than anything else you can imagine.  You will realize that the struggle is not found on the path, it is the path.  And it’s worth it.  So if you’re going to try, go all the way.  There’s no better feeling in the world… there’s no better feeling than knowing what it means to be ALIVE.

6.  Other people’s negativity is not your problem.

Be positive when negativity surrounds you.  Smile when others try to bring you down.  It’s an easy way to maintain your enthusiasm and focus.  When other people treat you poorly, keep being you.  Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness change the person you are.  You can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of you.  They do things because of them.
Above all, don’t ever change just to impress someone who says you’re not good enough.  Change because it makes you a better person and leads you to a brighter future.  People are going to talk regardless of what you do or how well you do it.  So worry about yourself before you worry about what others think.  If you believe strongly in something, don’t be afraid to fight for it.  Great strength comes from overcoming what others think is impossible.
All jokes aside, your life only comes around once.  This is IT.  So do what makes you happy and be with whoever makes you smile, often.

7.  What’s meant to be will eventually, BE.

True strength comes when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to smile and appreciate your life instead.  There are blessings hidden in every struggle you face, but you have to be willing to open your heart and mind to see them.  You can’t force things to happen.  You can only drive yourself crazy trying.  At some point you have to let go and let what’s meant to be, BE.
In the end, loving your life is about trusting your intuition, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning through experience.  It’s a long-term journey.  You have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting every step of the way.  Laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and enjoy your life as it unfolds.  You might not end up exactly where you intended to go, but you will eventually arrive precisely where you need to be.  (Read A New Earth.)

8.  The best thing you can do is to keep going.

Don’t be afraid to get back up.  Don’t be afraid to love again.  Don’t let the cracks in your heart turn to hardened scar tissue.  Find the strength to laugh every day.  Find the courage to feel different, yet beautiful.  Find it in your heart to make others smile too.  Remember that you don’t need many people in your life, just a few great ones, so don’t lower yourself to have more ‘friends.’  Be strong when things get tough.  Remember that the universe is always doing what’s right.  Recognize when you’re wrong and learn from it.  Don’t hold on too tightly.  Always look back and see how much you’ve grown, and be proud of yourself.  Don’t change for anyone, unless you want to.  Give more.  Give the things you love so others can love them too.  Write stories.  Take photos.  Remember the little moments and the way your loved ones look at you.
Just keep being YOU.  Keep growing.  Keep going.

The floor is yours…

What helps you stay motivated when you’re struggling?  What’s something positive you try to keep in mind when everything seems to be going wrong?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Photo by: Antonio Buccella

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Types of PTC sites



PTC sites are divided into 3 types:
Bux sites
Bux sites are PTC sites that usually offer 4-5ads with a high rate per click, usually around 0.01 per click and 0.005 per referral click. They are known to show the same ads over and over again and also have self-sponsored ads to increase the growth of the ptc site. A classic self-sponsored ad being the 'vote for us on ems', you know that one right. However because of the high rate per click of 0.01 many run out of funds when members start cashing out and the expenses stack up then they close down and become scam due to their lack of business plan. This has resulted in bux sites forming a majority on the scam sites of the PTC industry. Successful PTC sites that use the bux site blueprint include; Einsteinbux and bux-matrix.

Aurora sites
Aurora sites are PTC sites that usually offer 20+ads and offer around 0.003 per click and 0.001 per referral click. They also usually offer other ways to earn within the website which include paid to read, promote, sign-up and have a traffic exchange. Despite offering a low rate per click compared with bux sites, aurora still has a couple of advantages. One outshining advantage is stability, because of the low turnover business model they are able to offer cheap advertising prices and consequently last longer as they attract many advertisers. They also have unlimited direct referral limit for standard members. Successful PTC sites that use the aurora site blueprint include Incentria, Cashnhits and Buxp.

Mini PTC sites
Mini PTC sites are PTC sites that have the lowest earning potential hence they are called mini PTC sites. Daily ads are not guaranteed and there are usually referral restrictions. However a pro of mini PTC sites are that they have stability and therefore are trust able. Mini PTC sites include Wordlinx and Clixsense
. These PTC sites don't always have ads to click and usually have a low ad count.

What is a referral?
Referrals are the main way to increase money you receive from PTC sites. A referral is a person that joins a PTC site under you using your referral link which can be found on all PTC sites. For each click he or she clicks you get usually 50% of the click, the rate depends on the PTC site you joined. However it doesn't affect their earning at all. They will earn the same amount of money from a ptc sites whether they joined under you and not under anyone. Bux sites also offer to rent referrals where you get referrals for a temporary period for a price and you earn each time the rented referral (which is a real person) clicks.

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